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I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys. Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I...
This isn't a real post. I'm going to post the real post tomorrow. But it feels like there should be some sort of intermediate thing to prepare everyone for the abrupt change of speed ahead. Here's...
Some people have a legitimate reason to feel depressed, but not me. I just woke up one day feeling sad and helpless for absolutely no reason. Its disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness...
Guess what? ... Im writing a book. With pages! And there will be pictures on the pages. And words. And maybe the pages will be really aerodynamic or something. I havent really decided what all of...
My simple-minded dog recently went on an unplanned adventure. Because the simple dog is so very simple, her adventure was alarming and horrible for everyone involved. Even in her normal, familiar...
There was a short period of my early life that was punctuated by truly unfortunate nightmares. Id go to sleep feeling safe and warm. Then Id awaken several hours later and somehow be completely...
Benny came to the birthday party because his mom had volunteered him to help supervise the children. He must have felt out of place being the lone teenage boy amidst a flock of over-excited...
The year I learned that Christmas did not, in fact, originate as a celebration of my amazing ability to temporarily transform into a "good" child for a few weeks was the year my grandparents took...
Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins. I know this because my...
My friend Colin made a fantastic animation based on one of my old posts: Im pretty sure Colin would be totally pumped to get some recognition for his hard work, so if youre feeling helpful, you can...
Every time I write something new, I feel like I need to make it better than whatever I wrote before it so that it never appears as though I am regressing. Except I kind of feel like the last couple...
My mom baked the most fantastic cake for my grandfathers 73rd birthday party. The cake was slathered in impossibly thick frosting and topped with an assortment of delightful creatures which my mom...
At some point during my childhood, my mother made the mistake of taking me to see an orthodontist. It was discovered that I had a rogue tooth that was growing sideways. My mom and I were told that...
One of the most difficult aspects of interacting with other people is figuring out how to extricate yourself from a conversation without appearing rude or mentally unstable. You arent allowed to...
This comic was inspired by an experience I had a few night ago. I was pulling into the parking lot of Safeway when I saw one of those gratuitously bright shooting stars. I tried to think of a...
The other night, I randomly decided that it would be a good idea to watch a horror movie. For some reason, I thought that everything would turn out okay even though I hadnt watched a horror movie...
I originally wanted to write a short comic to tide you guys over until I finished the really long comic Im working on (hopefully Ill post it on Monday), but then I got totally carried away and...
My friend Jeffery got a bike for his sixth birthday. Soon afterward, he learned how to ride without his training wheels and became the coolest kid at school. Sometimes I went to Jefferys house when...
A lingering fear of mine was confirmed last night: My dog might be slightly retarded. Ive wondered about her intelligence ever since I adopted her and subsequently discovered that she was unable to...
I have repeatedly discovered that it is important for me not to surpass my capacity for responsibility. Over the years, this capacity has grown, but the results of exceeding it have not changed....
I have a distinct tendency to become sick or injured dramatically. This was most certainly the case the first time I ever visited Texas. It all began at a track meet in Eugene, Oregon. Despite...
Most of the time, Im pretty even-tempered. Aside from the odd nervous breakdown or caffeine-induced bliss-seizure, I have the emotional variation of sand. However, every once in a great while, Ill...
If youre in a relationship, sometimes you probably feel like youre fighting a caged death-match with an invisible spider monkey. And the monkey is rabid. And you dont have any legs. And then a...
Ive been getting lots of emails with subject lines like "R U dead???" and "POST SOMETHING MOTHERF*CKER!" and "Wheeeerrrrrree aaaaaarrrrrrrre yyyooooooouuuuu???" Ive been posting updates on Twitter,...
There are certain things that can bring even the most confident people to their knees with crushing self-doubt and insecurity. These are some of those things. Holding other peoples babies At some...
I was interviewed by Michael Humphrey of True/Slant. Michael is like a magical unicorn with the power to interview extremely effectively. I had a lot of fun doing this and it made me feel like a...
Here at Sueeve, we understand that showering can be one of the most boring, shame and confusion-filled parts of your day and weve made it our mission to fix that! -- If the mere sight of a loofah...
I woke up really early on Wednesday morning for no reason. In retrospect, I can see it was probably my body's way of telling me that I might die later that day, so I better get the hell up and...
As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms. When someone types out "u" instead of "you," instead...
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The Stitches of My Life
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