http://www.thecatoff.com
First of all, fuck you retarded people. Secondly, stop taking all my fucking words away:Special Olympics takes on use of 'R-word'
People, what the fuck? Act your age. How is it that I can encounter supposedly grown, mature adults out in the world who talk like they're fucking ten years old? You know who I'm talking about. The p...
Well, I don't even really know what to say, except that I couldn't be happier. Chuck Norris has decided that the US is so surely going into the crapper that Texas will eventually secede and become it...
You know, nothing warms the cockles of my heart after a night of sex and canoodling like the feeling I get from battling you retarded people all the way across this godforsaken city in horrible traff...
So, you've had a bad day at work. You're tired, sore, and feel like drinking yourself to sleep. That's all fine and good, but wait, wouldn't you like a little lovin' before bed? We all would. Aww, bu...
You know what I never run out the need for? A used gravy boat for the low, low price of $1.50. What is the deal with the garage sales, people? I'm all for recycling and giving used shit a second chan...
It’s about time, people. You know how your car wouldn’t start yesterday and you had to take a cab because you’re sad and friendless? Or what about the time you sank into a 24-hour spiral of depressio...
Let me ask you this: You've just crash-landed in the ocean and you have a choice. You can either A. chance drowning and getting eaten by a shark, or B. snuggle up to a lovely pee-soaked cushion to ke...
Since there are one or two new people who have started reading this blog in the last month, if you're not familiar with my experience at Carrabba's, I suggest you first read that entry before you con...
We all have them, these dysfunctional relationships. There's the awkwardness, the anxiety of what may or may not happen. You're constantly second guessing yourself and wondering if you should call or...
Why are you fucking people so self-absorbed? Has anyone ever noticed that nobody talks to anybody anymore, they just talk at each other? These damned conversations would be just as fulfilling for bot...
So, already I'm fucking pissed off because I can't take all my liquids and shit on the plane unless I declare it in a stupid little quart-size bag. That's bullshit, right? That's not just me, right? ...
At the urging of some of my literally fives of readers, I have submitted my entry on Carrabba's to corporate. It was sent with a cover message explaining that it was a blog post, and was pasted unalt...
What's so damn hard about dressing appropriately for work? This one really pisses me off. I'm about half pissed off at the people who dress poorly and half pissed at the management who doesn't do any...
Now, here's one I just don't get. Why do these fucking restaurants say they're open until XX:00 PM, if they're just going to fuck you to death with poor service and an attitude if you come in near cl...
Get your grubby little mitts off me, people. I don't understand this pandemic huggery that has taken over our supposedly developed society. Irritatingly enough, there are two very distinct parts of t...
People, this is serious. I swear, they must have secret meetings somewhere to discuss ways to continue the slaughtering of the language. It's the only thing I can come up with, because there are peop...
Welcome to the start of a new LWM series. After writing this entry it became clear that there is far too much material for a quick pass. Enjoy the first in LWM's Workplace Ridiculous series, and try ...
Today, I have to cede LWM's valuable real estate to Stephen Colbert. The reason? He's right, damnit, we need a word czar. I nominate me.The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cThe New Word Czar...
Never a society content to leave personal responsibility up to the people, we have reached a whole new level of ridiculous.The economy is in the shitter, or so they tell me. We've decided to go ahead...
Now, I know most of you people are going to need to be educated on two levels, so let's take it from the bottom. That little dude hanging out on top of the 8 key, his name is not, "the little star th...
The most disheartening thing about this is that there are, at minimum, 71 other studs out there patrolling the streets and passing out cool.If it wasn't already official that you're awesome, the lice...
Powdergirl writes, "I'd love to hear your take on those shit-sieves out there who call every single stinking person unfortunate enough to come into contact with them by ridiculous terms of endearment...
Welcome to the first installment in LWM's Pretentious Places series. Some places have turned up the importance just a little too far, and I'm here to take them down a peg or two.Beaumont, what the he...
Clearly apostrophes have been a hot topic here. For anyone who needs to catch up, I pretty much decided that you people aren't allowed to use them any more, because you fuck it up so bad, every time....
Ok guys, this truly is freaky, thePhone literally rang as soon as I read the last word of this email!!!!!Never one to miss an opportunity to praise truth and accuracy, I have to say that this is trul...
Twenty five is too manyI don't understand why you people want to willingly supply me with 25 new reasons to hate you.When I say, "good morning," it's really just something I say. The conversation sho...
Dammit, people.This one is pretty simple, but it's one that gets assed up almost constantly. Why, you ask? Jesus, I have no idea. Let's take a look.Remember when we talked about apostrophes? No, you ...
I don't get it, people. Should I wear a little name badge that I can flip over, depending on my mood? Green on one side and "fuck you" on the other?I'm just trying to enjoy my tea and get a little wo...
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