Poems and Weddings

A few weeks ago, I photographed one of the sweetest weddings.

They shared the most beautiful poem that I would love to share with you:

THE LONGLY WEDS KNOW
by Leah Furnas
A Poem for a 50th Anniversary…or any time.

The longly-weds know
That it isn’t about the Golden Anniversary at all,
but about all the unremarkable years
that Hallmark doesn’t even make a card for.
It’s about the 2nd anniversary when they were surprised
to find they cared for each other more than last year.
And the 4th, when both kids had chickenpox
and she threw her shoe at him for no real reason.
And the 6th when he accidentally got drunk on the way
home from work because being a husband and a father
was so damned hard.
It’s about the 11th, 12th and 13th years when
they discovered they could survive crisis.
And the 22nd anniversary when they looked
at each other across the empty nest, and found it good.
It’s about the 37th year when she finally
decided she could never change him
And the 38th when he decided
a little change wasn’t that bad.
It’s about the 46th anniversary when they both
bought cards, and forgot to give them to each other.
But most of all it’s about the end of the 49th year
when they discovered you don’t have to be old
to have your 50th anniversary.

I started crying at the reception when the bride’s oldest friend read this. Brian and I have only been married fifteen years, but in that time we’ve been through enough to make us incredibly thankful for one another.

Brian is the most incredible father, husband, and friend I’ve ever met.

To his very inner core, he is loyal and kind. He believes when you are in a relationship with someone – friend or family – you give them the benefit of the doubt.

If an action or word hurt you, you don’t look at that individual act. You look at the person as a whole. Have they ever purposefully hurt you before? Is it in their character to be unkind? If these answers are “no”, then you must go forward giving them the benefit of the doubt. Yes, you address the situation. Yes, you let them know that you were hurt. But this simple attitude shift leaves the core of your relationship in tact.

In every disagreement we have, it comes back to this: If I was to slow down and give him the benefit of the doubt to begin with, instead of my pouting and huffing and puffing, we’d have even fewer reasons to argue.

If I were to remember that this man has held me up through some of my darkest days, that this man makes me laugh just by saying the most hilarious things when I am about to pull my hair out, and that this man loves me even through my ugly morning sickness – I could breathe, mention that I’d like something said or done a little differently next time – and it would be over. Instead, I insist on the mud slinging.

Will you learn from us, dear friends? Will you skip a few years of silliness and listen to my wise husband. I have a feeling your spouse might thank him for it.

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