Kelly Ann Mount

speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.


This is a rant, of sorts. Jumbled, wordy, heart-hurting, frustrated, yet hopeful, novel-length thoughts that I've been sitting with for some time. But I realized today that I need to write it out. Even if none of it makes sense. Even if it pisses people off or makes them defensive. Even if it's way too long and no one reads it... I need to write it for myself. Being someone who longs for people - women and men - to see their worth, their value, their potential, and who longs to create a space in my heart and my life (and here on this blog) where everyone feels loved, and encouraged, and equal, and like someone's in their corner, rooting for them... it shatters my heart when I see silencing, hatred, and injustice happen around me, and around the world. When people are shamed, shunned, and left feeling totally unwanted and unworthy and less than... I feel the angry tears start to well up and my voice start to shake, and sometimes eloquent words flow perfectly and sometimes I just want to scream. All I can really do, is speak when I can, listen when I can, educate myself, and love others wholeheartedly.

I am a Jesus-loving, Bible-reading, feeler-of-feelings, praying, feisty, progressive, compassionate, strong, grace-believing feminist who really loves the crap out of people. (even when they drive me a little bonkers) Some of these words carry some baggage. (Jesus, Bible, and feminist in particular) And a lot of stereotypes. And maybe that's why I get a little nervous talking about these things - a little shaky, a little vulnerable, like I'm opening a door to get slammed or judged or clobbered. But, in the end, stereotypes are just that - stereotypes. I'm not really into breaking those down right now, so let's take that stuff, that misinformation, those extremes, that complicated baggage, and set it off to the side, just hang in there until the end. It's been quite the journey, becoming Kelly Ann, and I'm still growing. I have so far to go, but I'm learning to accept and love myself and be proud of the human, believer, woman I am, and will continue to become.

I am trying, with all that I am, to follow in the footsteps of Jesus - the loving, compassionate, strong, kind, protective One who, despite what a lot of people think or say, was/is a spectacular example of freedom, empowerment, and gender equality. The One who loved the misfits and the rebels, the prostitutes and the despised, the rejects and the hated, the men and the women. Jesus loved them all equally, without prejudice or an agenda... just wholehearted, deep, genuine, fierce love. A provocative love that caused so much controversy, but Jesus did it anyway - with a heart overflowing. I dream of a world where all of humanity is shown this type of love, and can live their lives with the freedoms and rights they deserve.

I'm a feminist... because I'm tired. Of the culture I live in, of society, of the media - yes. (I could write another two, three, ten posts on those things) But I'm also tired of the Church. I am tired of the Church. I know, that's a bold thing to say for a Christian, and I don't mean all churches. But the negative ones, who hurt and shun and break and fear-monger and devastate - whether it be an actual church, a pastor, a blog, a book, a group of Christians - I am tired of their demeaning, unloving ways. I'm tired of the damage they have done. Of the people they have hurt, the hearts they have broken, the souls they have crushed, the precious human beings they have turned away. I am tired of being treated like less of a believer because of my gender. I am tired of being told that capable, Spirit-filled, wise, strong, loving women are not fit for leadership because they're women. I am tired of hearing misogynistic pastors tell me that it is a wrong, unspeakable thing for women to lead, to serve, to teach, because we are "weak". We are "gullible." We are "easily deceived." I am tired of them twisting beloved Scripture, the words of Paul especially, disregarding culture, time, the communities these words were meant for, and using them out of context. To oppress. To silence. To dehumanize. I am tired of them dismissing female leaders, preachers, teachers, and women of authority throughout Biblical history - they weren't "real leaders." I am tired of the Bible being used as a weapon, when it was meant for freedom, peace, and grace. I am tired of being told God sees women as the lesser sex. That I am less than because I'm not yet married. Because I'm not a mother. Because I want to have a career and (possibly, hopefully) a family. "Women can't do both, it's ungodly." I am tired of being reduced to the clothes I wear. I am tired of being reduced to body parts. That I am responsible for the stranger who undresses me with their eyes, for the thoughts in their mind, and for the actions they take. That I should be ashamed of the body I was given, the body God made, that I should cover every inch of my sinful self up, that my body stumbles and damages others. That accepting my body, flaws and all, is wrong and vain. That acceptance can only be found in the opposite sex. That my worth depends solely on my sexuality. That my body is not mine, my choices are not mine to make.

I am tired of being told that all men should be hyper-masculine, heart-of-stone, intimidating, macho robots - anything else is unacceptable. Anything else is weak and shameful. I'm tired of hearing that tenderhearted, emotional, compassionate men are not real men at all. That men can't be strong, masculine, and loving and sweet. I am tired of words like "feminine" and "girly" being used as insults toward men who show sensitivity and tenderness. That men can only think with their heads and their sex drives, never their hearts. That only men can be "breadwinners" and "spiritual leaders" in their families, and if they're not, it's un-Christian. That stay-at-home fathers are disgraceful, sad disappointments. I'm tired of being told that all men care about in relationships is sex. A pretty face. A hot body. That men don't love women for their brains, or personalities, or hearts.

I am tired of this notion that men and women can't have healthy, non-romantic relationships. I'm tired of hearing that we're "so different!!!", and, instead of celebrating the wonderful differences we do indeed have, they're used to shame and divide. I'm tired of being told that only men want respect, and only women want stability. Only women can be pursued, and only men can do the pursuing. It can't be mutual. It can't go both ways. I'm tired of hearing that men & women can't desire the same things. They HAVE to be total opposites, it's "the way God intended it." I am tired of the "real men" and "real women" debates that belittle, alienate, and shame. That mutual submission in a relationship is a sinful myth. I am tired of the concept of marriage being compared to "Chinese water torture" or "jail time" by preachers who cause damage, fear, and pain. (Seriously, Google that one - or don't, it's too awful) I'm tired of being told that I will be the lesser half in a marriage. That I should have married young. (because 26 is old?) That it's "just what Christians do." That not everyone's story can be unique and different. I'm tired of hearing that my "real life" won't begin until I am married. Until I have kids. And when those (beautiful, incredible, amazing) things do come along, the life I had before won't matter. My journey leading up to those experiences has no worth. I'm tired of being told that I am incomplete as a single person. I am half a human. Half a soul. I am looked down upon with pity. Sympathy. Sadness. That my life can't really be all that great as a single woman. I am tired of women and men being seen as so one-dimensional. That all women are the same, and all men are the same. I am tired of the Church trying to shove men and women into the same rule-oriented, stereotypical, gender-norm riddled, suffocating boxes. I am tired of the line drawn between us.

I am tired of so many churches unwilling to step out of their comfortable bubbles. To see what's going on with the hurting, the poor, the sick, the homeless. I am tired of this "anything outside of our community/town/country is not our problem." I am tired of this lack of global love, that the people of the world don't matter. They don't deserve rights, freedom, help, compassion, respect.

I am tired... because it's a lie. It's all lies. None of this is truth. This is not the Bible. This is not God. This is not Christ's love. This is not how Christianity, faith, community, America, or the world should be. And sometimes I just sit here, in my own thoughts, feeling heartbroken, frustrated, and angry about it... look at all the damage that has been done, look at the broken hearts and the broken pieces everywhere. I know so many of these things are said and done outside the Church, I know. But coming from a Jesus-y perspective - a church, a Christian community, a Christian home, a "Jesus-centered" place - these should be safe havens. For everyone, regardless of their gender or race or religion or background or life. It should be a shelter, a refuge, a healing space for all, to break down walls, to find comfort, and wholeness, and to be our true selves. A place to feel loved, worthy, protected, and valued. A place to feel equal.

I am a feminist because of all of these heartbreaking lies, and because I want to live in a world where these lies aren't spoken over people every day - in churches, in homes, in work places, on the internet, splashed across magazines, billboards, blogs, and self-help books. I am a feminist for the truth-tellers who ARE in the Church (and there are many) and in the world, who stand up to injustice and say, "Enough." The fierce warriors who are dismantling these damaging lies, who are tearing down the walls of patriarchy, in and out of the Church, so all people are free. I am a feminist for the churches who open their doors to the outcasts, the unwanted, the hurting, the confused, as they should be doing, with open arms and prayers of love and grace on their tongues - you are safe here. I am a feminist for the loving, equality-fighting men and women who - like Sarah Bessey writes in her book, Jesus Feminist - are on the shoreline, banging pots and pans and proclaiming, "There is room for all of us!" I am a feminist because I believe that one gender isn't better than the other. We are meant to stand, work, speak, teach, live, and love side-by-side, with equal rights and opportunities - and when one of us falls behind, we pick each other up, and keep going. I am a feminist because I know patriarchy is a system that, in the end, damages all humanity. Because I believe that I am not a special interest group. I am a person. Women are people. Men are people. We are all real people with real hearts, souls, minds, stories, value, and worth.

I am a feminist because - contrary to the image of Christ being displayed to the world - Jesus himself lived an example of gender equality when he walked the Earth as a man. He never treated women less than. (He never treated anyone less than) He listened, he engaged, he ministered and was ministered to, and he encouraged women to go, do, speak, teach, preach, lead, help, live, be. In a time and a culture where women spoke, and were spoken to, through their husbands and church leaders, Jesus spoke to women directly. He knew they were just as capable, intelligent, and wise as men - he wanted men and women to work together, not a soul should be left out. Everyone had something beautiful and special to give to the world. At the end of the day, it is not anyone else's words or opinions or doctrine or rules, but Jesus' loving example, that I focus on. I am a feminist because of Jesus' love.

I am a feminist for the man I hope to marry one day, whoever that wonderful soul may be - that we will share an equal, let's-do-life-together partnership where we are always always always encouraged, and challenged, and nurtured, and valued, and celebrated, and so very loved. (Also, I hope there is laughter and dancing and exploring and adventures) I am a feminist for my future children, that they will grow up in a world where they can proudly be whoever they are meant to be, without prejudice, shame, or limitations. I am a feminist for my parents, who are both providers, spiritual leaders, and hard workers, and raised me in a home where I never felt less than. For my mom, who told me - and continues to tell me on a daily basis - that I can be and do and become whoever and whatever my heart desires - you are capable and loved and I am in your corner always. And for my dad, who taught me about football, and tools, and how to grunt like Tim Taylor, but continuously encouraged my dress up-ballet loving-feminine side, and never uttered the words "you can't because you're a girl."

I am a feminist for the single mama working three jobs and not getting fair pay. I am a feminist for the little girl who wants to be President someday. I am a feminist for the suffering, the silenced, the broken. For the abused, the violated, the ones who are bought & sold. I am a feminist for the helpers, the activists, the doers, and the survivors. For love-proclaiming mamas like Sarah, for world-changers like the brave Malala, and for all global women and girls - in Africa, Pakistan, Syria, and India. I am a feminist for you - all the gals (and some guys, I see you! :)) who grace this space. I am a feminist for the men in my life who celebrate who I am as a woman and an equal, and even the ones who have seen me as nothing more than a body, a toy, scum, nothing - especially for them, that they will see the truth. I am a feminist for humanity. I am a feminist for myself - because I have found more healing and hope on this journey and because God has met me here and whispered, "You are loved and you are free." I am a feminist because I have seen the mercy, justice, grace, and hope of God tear down shame, pain, and brokenness. And because I refuse to believe that God is a sexist, graceless, angry bully - but instead - a nurturing, loving, and compassionate Divine, who has spoken equality over all of us and delights in celebrating all of the beautiful things that make each of us who we are. God's grace changes everything.

In the grand scheme of things, beyond my own thoughts, and my own faith, and my own story, I know gender equality looks different all over the world. Across different religions, and cultures, and faiths, and tribes, and communities. And we have to honor that. We have to honor each other. Equality can't be put in a nice, tidy box. It isn't about conforming people to fit a certain mold. It isn't about having a "hero complex" and trampling over others without listening or educating ourselves. It's about the freedom and rights to be, without apology or restrictions - and that looks different for everyone. We need to - not speak FOR one another - but lift each other up, and make room for everyone, so we can each tell our own, unique stories. So we can fight for, and alongside, each other. I know that, while there is still much to be done in the States to further the women's movement, I am privileged. I know. I am a white female from California, raised by a good family, with a good education. I understand my privilege, and I don't take it for granted. There's so much I don't know, and I am educating myself every day on global gender equality and what that means. I only want to help and contribute positively. And maybe helping, means quieting myself, so another can speak.

So, dear woman, man, human, loved person: fight for what's important to you. Tell the truth, believe it, live it.

Tell it, even if your voice shakes.

  • Love
  • Save
    1 love
    Add a blog to Bloglovin’
    Enter the full blog address (e.g. https://www.fashionsquad.com)
    We're working on your request. This will take just a minute...