You spin me right round like a record

Last week a couple of people emailed to see if I was okay because I haven’t posted in over a month. First, I just want to say thanks. That meant a lot to me. Interestingly, I caught myself hesitating before saying I was okay; like if I said it I might jinx myself.

I spent most of the summer screwing around (see posts immediately previous to this, but mostly instagram because I didn’t update here all that much) and thinking about what I should do with my life. All in all it was pretty good. I’m pretty sure I said that before, but it’s worth mentioning again because my short-term memory is sometimes nil and who knows what I’ll remember when I’m thumbing back through these posts someday.

A few days ago, actually I think a bit more but ta-da can’t remember exactly, I had another stroke.

I’m not going to lie, I spent most of yesterday crying in bed.

I feel bad for myself.

I’m dizzy.

I can’t ride my bike.

Shit, I can’t even walk all that well although Chris keeps telling me I’m doing great. My right side is really weak. I woke up this morning (thank God) with my hand and foot curled in the vulture grip.

Fuck. I HATE THIS. Why me? Why again? But then I think why not me? What exempts me from having a terrible thing happen to me? Nothing, I guess.

All that work I put in, what a steep and scary climb it was and I didn’t even make the 2 year mark.

I keep thinking about my doctor telling me my risk for reoccurrence and worse is in the 90th percentile in the next 5 years. I’m not even at year 2 and here I am again. I refuse to let this thing get the best of me.

I can’t sit up and type much, but I’ll try to post here more often. I wish I had had the energy last time to write down more of what I did to get better because I did a lot of different things. I can’t even remember what they all were. Shocker.

Here I go again.