A Primer On White Denim

My new pair looks and fits a good bit like the pair on Ms. Thing, above—medium rise and cropped to show some ankle. There aren't any moose knuckle issues, as you can see in the photo below. (Ed note: that's always a tricky thing to ask about. I usually end up pointing to that whole region and even kind of gesticulating toward the back with longer, circular motions to avoid directly calling out 'weird shit my junk is doing' to random sales clerks.)

Anyway, as I said, there are no such issues and I'm totally on board with these once spring rolls around. It's been awhile since I last had a white pair of jeans (almost ten years ago!) so I made this handy dandy infographic to illustrate how I'm approaching my White Jeans Game this time around:

My new pair is Acne's Pop White. I tried them on in store with these shoes and this sweater and I loved everything, then did the math and realized the whole look would set me back over $1k, before taxes. I'm not married to Beyoncé so I shut that down pretty quickly, but not before taking note of these simple and sexy! tips:

01 Definitely go sans belt in white jeans. I think it's fresher, plus a belt would cut you weirdly in half, as kindly illustrated by '06 Sean. Though I guess that brown leather belt is making some weird nod to the brown tones in my Rainbow flip-flops?

02 Wear a cool loafer or chunky/heavy oxford/blucher/cap toe with the white jeans, socks totally optional. DO NOT wear motherfucking Rainbow flip-flops unless you want to look like a gay virgin from suburban Virginia.

03 Keep the color palette nice and subdued. Think navy, deep plums, black, maybe throw in some camel, get some army fatigue action going on, etc. DON'T wear some bright-ass Polo Outlet yuppie bullshit in noxious cerulean. Brights in general with white jeans...just steer away from that. You want to look French, not Floridian.

I put together a kind of boring but not offensively bad outfit, below, in the hopes that you will click on some things and I will make money. Transparency!

Clockwise from top-left: J.Crew, Saint Laurent, Sandro, Mismo, Uniform Wares (this watch is actually hella sick and I want it so bad), Marni (also hella sick, duh.)