I Was Unwillingly Turned into a Fat Person Meme
My name is Rachele, and sometimes I would like to burn the internet down.
Over the past year, an unauthorized image of me (story of my life, y'all!) has been popping up that was created from a post I did last year called Letting Go of the Thin Fantasty. The original featured artwork of me, nude but covered with the words "There is not a thin person trapped inside of me". A drawing over the photo of me made it look like I was pulling my chest open and showing my ribs and organs, demonstrating that there was not a skinny girl fighting to get out. I talked about how it felt to not be dissociated with my own body and in the photo my fat and belly is prominently visible.
Enter the shitty part. My image was then appropriated, altered and aligned with hateful and fatphobic language, as well as calling me a delusional sea cow. They also attached an image of two x-rays, meant to show what a thin person looks like inside and what a fat person looks like inside and then attempted to explain how the fat x-ray shows that they are crushing their insides which will result in death. I assume Dr. Leo Spaceman wrote the text and provided what appears to be x-rays of two entirely different people and physiological genders.
PRINTS, SHIRTS, STICKERS & PILLOW AVAILABLE
Recently, the stolen and altered meme-type image of me has been picked up by Facebook Pages such as See More, Tristan Barker and Hipster Bro's. It has also been uploaded to EPICLOL, IMGUR and Reddit. All these websites post misogynist, racist and fatphobic memes that attempt to use humor and they attract the scum of the earth. They portray fat bodies as freakish and inhuman. These are dark and hellish places that I wish I never knew existed. Clues also indicate they are often run by the same individuals. They encourage people to be cruel and the images go around and around, shared by grown ass men that are teachers, teenage girls, Men's Rights Activists and that annoying high school friend that is on your Facebook. Because, LOL A FAT BITCH BEING OWNED!!!
Someone also clipped video from my YouTube channel and How to Be a Fat Bitch ECourse and made a video of their own with a bunch of racist, misogynist and fatphobic shit, uploaded it to YouTube and posted it on their blog - with my face and voice altered and spotlighted throughout. I found the video by googling his information after he trolled my blog and left comments. Photos of me are still being used as Venus Factor diet ads.
I file copyright notices and half the time, don't even talk about it because I just want to ignore it and for it go away. I got messages from the guy that made the YouTube video where he accused me of making false allegations and threatened me. He has appealed YouTube's decision to remove the video and they are now requiring a court order - what the hell dudes. The owner of Venus Factor emailed me also accusing me of making false allegations, lying to the press and threatened to sue me.
What a fucking mess! If only I could go back and stop myself from putting myself out there and being vulnerable to these asshats. What would I say to that strawberry blond in her twenties?
Dear 2010 Rachele, You are a wallflower. You still are. You have an anxious belly and am afraid of being alone. Still are. You care if people like you but will also stand up for yourself. Starting this blog to dip your toes into fashion, art and document your life was sort of a weird and out of the blue thing to do. Things were rough and they sometimes still are. An important and huge part of your life was no longer in your life and maybe you were a little bored. But you started posting photos of yourself on the internet. Usually in a small way. A little selfie here and there, squealing over owls or crochet projects. There were a few posts about style inspirations like Beth Ditto and Mia Tyler. You had been shuffling back and forth between your fat acceptance books and diet books for the past year and finally decided HAES was for you. You are fucking awesome for doing that, by the way. But you probably wouldn't believe that 31 year old you would become an activist and bear all to inspire other fat women! And you probably wouldn't believe what people are going to do to your images!
Should I tell 2010 Rachele not to post full body fashion or partially nude photos on the internet? Should I warn her about the risks and ultimate nightmare that can result from fatphobic people finding them? Should I have avoided putting my fat body on the internet?
Absolutely not. Because 2014 Rachele would not be here today unless she had the strength and empowerment to be a fat activist, artist and blogger. I take up space and will not apologize for it. I have rolls, cellulite, double chins and pudgy arms. I'm lumpy and pale. I also do fierce things with my hair, have a killer collection of leggings and pull off glasses better than everyone. I am tough as nails and fight for what I love. I am creative, smart, resourceful and my family and home is my everything. I am goofy and will not hesitate to do an impression or dance it out. I can cook, draw, code a website, crochet, cut and dye my own hair, fold my tongue and rock a fatkini. I am way, way more than a fat person meme.
A majority of my waking hours, I do not think about being fat. Like, fat in a way that makes me different or less capable. I am just comfortable in my own skin, going to work, wearing clothes that I know are going to fit me and going about my every day life. I could probably live out the rest of my days this way if it wasn't for the constant reminders from the world that I am somehow less than and larger than what is acceptable.
These reminders sometimes come in the form of trolls or online bullies that steal my images, misuse them and attach them to abusive and false information. Assholes that turn my work and my body into a meme that can be passed on by bros, high schoolers and any other jerk with a Facebook. Each share, like and nasty comment is with the intention to amuse, shock and make clear their hate towards fat people. Some of the hate is even more intense, wishing that I was dead or that I should kill myself.
These are also folks that are in positions of authority, raising our children, have fat partners and work in medical fields (I looked at their profiles). They are sometimes people that are supposed to stand against bullying and in real life they preach respect and kindness. But online, they are meanies and bullies and abusive and are assaulting a fat woman. That is frightening and deserves a proper look at. Amanda Levitt from Fat Body Politics has collected all the messages she received from trolls and online bullies and I look forward to her examining it more. Not only are our children dying as a result of online bullying, but there is also some intense fat hate in the world. Over 12,000 people liked the hateful meme and over 1,000 shared it - in a matter of a couple days. 2.5 million users like the See More page and they claim to have launched less than a month ago. They are not shaming fat people for their own good or because they are concerned about someone else's health. They hate fat people. Period. And they are in our world, spreading these hateful messages and propagating discrimination.
For the record, I tried to confront some of these people and they all either denied taking part in any of it, ignored me or responded with anger. I started to out some of these people and expose them to their employers and loved ones, but in the end I decided against being terrible like them.
I have to hold on to my fat identifiers and my fat community. Instead of shrinking back, I roll up my high waisted bikini bottoms and fluff up my boobs in a crop top and kick some ass. There are days that I am hanging on by a thread. I have to surround myself every day with positive fat imagery, fat representation, art and body positivity. Otherwise, I would be left with the discrimination, bullying and hate and I would certainly kill myself.
I am still going to be fat on the internet. I am still going to fight for fair treatment of fat people and encourage body positivity in others. I will not hate myself. I win.
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