Things Ex-Accutane Users Will Understand

The first problem is that your bad skin is putting quite the damper on your self esteem.

You’ve heard things like, “wash your face” or “just throw on some makeup.”

Because it’s not like you’ve tried every soap, topical, scrub, gel, mask there ever was.

And anytime celebrities tell you they’re “just like you” and show their faces on Proactiv commercials, you’re all:

But one day, you ask your doctor about Accutane, and suddenly you see the light.

And Doc is all, “you must either be on two forms of birth control, or pledge to keep abstinent throughout the duration of your time on Accutane.

But you agree, because: clear skin.

Then your journey to sex appeal begins.

You begin to hoard Aquaphor like it’s going out of style. Why? Because your lips, nose, and surrounding mouth area become dryer than your sex life.

You also have to get your blood drawn every month, which is a process you’ve mastered by immediately taking to water like:

And sometimes, on a Tuesday night when nothing’s actually wrong, you experience all the emotions.

Unless that reason is that your friends all want to go out drinking

Or lay out.

You start bringing handfuls of tissue everywhere you go, out of fear of incessant nose bleeding. And every time it happens, your friends watch on like:

Your hair isn’t necessarily drier, but let’s just say that “greasy hair” is no longer one of your concerns. In fact, your hair is pretty much the best thing about you right now.

But when that day comes, and you’ve done your time, you wake up like this: