10 ideas | Things parents do that really matter to kids

I don’t get to sleep much, but when I do I dream about a book. This book is the parenting instructions manual that was missing when we bought each of our three children. The book would have all the answers about what is really important and share all the secrets about the things that matter to kids.

The ‘kids don’t come with a manual’ parenting cliche, right? I mean, it would be truly marvellous if such a book existed, but then it would probably be about as relevant as all the other ‘parenting manuals’ that experts write and I devour like a ravenous beast until I realise they don’t have the answers and give the book away to Vinnies for other beasts to snack on.

Instead, I hit the Google research library and read what lots and lots and lots of parenting experts and bloggers and forum mums and random Facebookers and kids, sweet, sweet kids, had to say about the things they think matter to kids. The things that make kids eyes light up and four years later they’ll suddenly pipe up and say “remember four years ago when we did…” or “remember how you used to…” or just, right now, “I love it when you…”

Here they are, the top ten things that I think will make your kids’ eyes light up (or at the very least, help bring them some calm and confidence).

Listen when I tell you stuff

More than anything, kids want their parents to listen to them. How they’re feeling, what they’re thinking and – perhaps hardest of all for busy parents who have absolutely no interest whatsoever in Barbies, Pokemon or Pearlie – what their interests are. I know you know what I’m talking about when I say that throwing in an occasional distracted ‘uh ha’ won’t cut it. We can’t feign interest and we can’t half-listen either. We need to ask questions, make suggestions and even throw in a fact or two of our own to really win our kids over.

Tell me about yourself

Good conversation is never one-sided. Just as your child wants you to listen to what he’s interested in, he wants to listen to you in return. Kids are genuinely fascinated by what their parents get up to, but most parents don’t take the time to talk about themselves enough. Everyday life and your own childhood provide countless charming stories and ‘wow’ moments for your kids. Go to town – you will never have an audience quite like your young children ever again.

Make time just for me

One-on-one time with our children is hard when you have more than one kid. It feels like enough to just get through in a day and fit in whole-family engagement, let alone quiet times with just one child. But if I tell you that it really, really, really matters to your child, would you find the time then?

It doesn’t have to be a grand-scale outing (although a special-interest trip with just you two – or three, both parents are wanted – is a great idea from time to time). Spend just five minutes having a quiet chat before bed or ask them to help you peg the washing out or invite them along on the grocery shop. As long as their siblings are not invited and they get some time alone with you, it won’t matter what you do together. Helping in their classroom is another way to give them ‘special’ time.

Do things together as a family

As modern life gets busier more and more families take a ‘divide and conquer’ approach. “You take Vaxon to swimming and I’ll take Remy and Agatha to dance” makes sense, but “you take the kids to the park while I catch up on the housework” or “I’ll go to the movies with the kids while you do your shopping” probably doesn’t. I know it’s hard, but it’s important to your child that you all make those visits to the park and the movies. It’s also vital to them that you have special rituals that your family does that others might not. Movie nights, bushwalking, playing a game of UNO (we love UNO), a family ten pin bowling championship that runs all year… Doing things together as a family – as many things as you can possibly fit in – is better than ice cream. Just ask your kid.

Let me stay up late sometimes

A great way to fit in more one-on-one time is to allocate a night of the week to each child when they get to stay up a little later than their siblings. Kids love this ‘stolen’ time! You can even use this time as a reward for especially good behaviour. You don’t need to do anything fancy, just hang out like you usually do, but invite your child in. They’ll feel like they have a window onto the grown-ups’ world and they will be thrilled to be ‘breaking the rules’ with you.

Be there when it’s bedtime

Bedtime is the most routine, everyday thing in a child’s life and having you there each night is an immensely important part of that routine. It won’t be possible every single night, but on as many nights as you possibly can, be there for your child when their day is finishing. Make this time special by reading books together, talking about the day just finished and wondering about what’s coming up tomorrow. The comfort you offer in a special lullaby or phrase that you say to them every night will be appreciated their entire life.

Notice me even when I don’t shout

The more you notice your children when they’re being good or when they do good things quietly and without fanfare, the more confident they will grow. Kids are great at telling you when they do things well, but sometimes they like you to notice them first. Your kids absolutely lap up being ‘caught’ doing things they know you will love, so notice it when they do! Offered to set the table without being asked? Towelled herself dry without assistance? Read a story to her brother? Played quietly all afternoon? Finished a chapter book and started on another? Got a star on their homework? Do I need to keep going?

Read to me

I know many parents who roll their eyes every time “reading aloud to kids” is mentioned. It’s true that some parents don’t enjoy this ritual as much as they’ve been told they should, but parenting experts all seem to agree that making time for books and reading aloud is a wonderful thing to do for kids. The most important people in the world completely agree with them: your kids. They love it when you read together. It’s quiet, close time doing something that they enjoy immensely, usually in the cosiness of a warmly lit bedroom as they wind down to sleep. Sharing a magical, imaginative book with you is very important to them, so find a chapter book you all enjoy reading. I’d start with Enid Blyton’s The Faraway Tree or Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach and go from there.

Remind me of my boundaries

Now, most kids will protest (loudly) (I swear mine set up a picket line) (with placards) against any attempt we make to fence them in – we know that. It’s hard work having to fight to them back all the time, but if you give in and don’t defend your boundaries, they’ll think you don’t care. I know, right? You can’t win! But tight boundaries (and weirdly arguments) tell our kids that they matter to us enough for us to protect them and care for them and, yes, even fight them. Boundaries make them feel loved and secure. It may feel (a lot) like fighting and whinging and carrying on like a pork chop; but it’s all just an expression of love, sweet love.

Ask me about my day

Having a chat about what happens when you’re not together is important. It shows you are curious about what your child gets up to and your feedback can show them how capable you think they are when they do things without you. More than that, debriefing the day allows them to process the more difficult aspects with someone they trust completely. They can work through all of the things that happened that they might have been uncertain or worried about. Better even, they get to share all the joyful things they got up to and relive them through the eyes of someone who adores them utterly.

So there’s ten to start things rolling for you. Each family will have many more things that light up their kids’ faces, of course. Off the top of my head, I know my own appreciate it greatly when I:

• Help out in the classroom
• Leave a little loving in their lunch box
• Buy them an ice cream, just because
• Take them to visit their Gran and Pops
• Do something a little bit crazy
• Take them on an after-school excursion somewhere
• Serve them breakfast for dinner (that might be just wishful thinking…)

What things do you do that matter the most to your kids?

{ This post is a modified version of a post written for Kidspot}

The post 10 ideas | Things parents do that really matter to kids appeared first on Heartfelt living.