On Moving Along

“Daily I walk around my small, picturesque town with a thought bubble over my head: Person Going Through A Divorce. When I look at other people, I automatically form thought bubbles over their heads. Happy Couple With Stroller. Innocent Teenage Girl With Her Whole Life Ahead Of Her. Content Grandmother And Grandfather Visiting Town Where Their Grandchildren Live With Intact Parents. Secure Housewife With Big Diamond. Undamaged Group Of Young Men On Skateboards. Good Man With Baby In BabyBjörn Who Loves His Wife. Dogs Who Never Have To Worry. Young Kids Kissing Publicly. Then every so often I see one like me, one of the shambling gaunt women without makeup, looking older than she is: Divorcing Woman Wondering How The Fuck This Happened.”

-from Suzanne Finnamore’s Split

Divorce is a hell of a lot different than a break-up because it’s the death of a marriage. You try to deal, keep busy, and live your life — you just have to or at least try to figure out how. However, things get messy when you throw the restaurant industry into the mix: there aren’t any resources or books out there that tells you what to do when divorce things are happening (or has already happened) when one (or both) work in an industry that talks. Everyone knows someone who knows you. Or they know you. Or they recognize you.

Going out to restaurants/bars can get awkward because you get paranoid. You avoid certain places, places that you love, because you just never know… Things feel awkward. You get awkward. Things actually get awkward. But the paranoia is necessary because you have to be cautious and you have to watch out for yourself. Because of the culture, a severed relationship can sometimes mean severed ties for opportunities. It’s tricky territory and like I said, there are no books (to my knowledge) out there that give you advice on what to do (as an ex chef wife) especially when your lives are so intertwined. I was given the best advice about this last night: just live your life.

Indeed.

You don’t want the paranoia to get the best of you or drain all that potential energy to do something great.