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Golden Globes Fashion Recap


Posts are limited right now because I'm in the process of writing the first draft of my Master's Project which is due next week. (It's about child labor. You didn't expect that, did you? Well, child labor issues in fashion modeling, which in New York, are seemingly rampant. Anyway. Let's leave these parentheses, shall we?) So I didn't plan on doing this post, but a few readers have asked that I do -- one person pandered to my ego in a way I couldn't resist -- and the moral of this paragraph is ask, and you shall receive. (Sometimes. Santa did not bring me a puppy or write my thesis.)

Some of these women were deemed "Best Dressed," and some were called the worst of the bunch. For me, it wasn't that simple.

Lucy Liu
Lucy Liu in Carolina Herrera made the top of many Best Dressed lists. I'm sorry, but I just can't because all I want to know is... what is she hiding under there? Does she plan on stealing all of the Golden Globes? She could fit so many into what I assume are giant pockets.

Another theory is that it's her co-star Johnny Lee Miller, hiding for fear of running into his ex-wife Angelina Jolie on the red carpet, and her beating him up with her leg as she did to everyone at the Oscars last year. It seems logical enough.








Megan Fox
I'd be more interested in a play-by-play of an accountant doing... accounting than I am in Megan Fox and Megan Fox's boring blush Armani dress, but what I am interested in, however, is her face. Look at her face! Why more surgery? It's not a real face anymore. If you poke it, do you think it's hard? Why does Megan Fox think she's Heidi Montag? Or a wax figure from Madame Tussaud's? Wait... is she actually a real life transformer? Holy shit, Megan Fox is a Decipticon. Has she been method acting this whole time?











Katharine McPhee
I like this Theysken's Theory dress. I do. You're waiting for me to say something about the dress, and how it looks like a bathrobe not done up all the way or a slutty kimono, and I won't. And I won't say anything about the shoes either because I think they're interesting and I like them with that dress.
My only concern is that her boobs have found refuge in her armpits, and she's not even laying down. What if they slipped out her arm holes? Wouldn't that have been... a Smash. (Ba doom chhhh.)



Jennifer Lopez
First of all, why does Jennifer Lopez get invited to the Golden Globes? She's not presenting, she's not a nominee, and she's not even a judge on American Idol anymore. What have you done for me lately, J.Lo? Watching the celebrities stream down the red carpet, I decided that if I were in charge of the guest list, I would do things a little bit differently.
1. No Jessicas. No Alba, no Biel, no Simpson. Chastain is the exception because she's actually a contender and because we also shared a nice moment together over Jason Wu at Fashion's Night Out last year.

Only Alba made an appearance this time (and I am not sure why since I can't remember the last time she worked) and she presented an award, and she should've been honored and grateful to present and maintain some sort of relevancy but she just looked like she had a bug in her butt the whole time. And that's why I wouldn't invite her.
2. No one from Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, the X-Factor, the Voice. That means no Julianne Hough in sequined poultry.
3. No one that's not doing anything remotely related to the Golden Globes, unless they provide some sort of entertainment, like say, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck awkwardly exchanging pleasantries on camera, which didn't happen.
Anyway, back to Jennifer Lopez's dress. She has no reason to be at the Golden Globes, yet she shows up all glittery and almost nude, in a dress inspired by her costume at the 2011 American Music Awards as inspired Britney Spears at the 2000 MTV Movie Awards. I think a lot about red carpet dressing is knowing your place. Katniss Everdeen Jennifer Lawrence wearing an attention-getting gown is perfect. Jennifer Lopez with her backup dancer on her arm, not so much.
Halle Berry
Holy Halle. It's like Jennifer Lopez made a baby with Angelina Jolie's leg and Lea Michele's desperation and went to Forever 21's sale section 6 years ago. No further comments.























Sienna Miller

I liked Sienna Miller in Erdem. The dress is fun, it's a lot different from what everyone else wears on the red carpet and I have to give her major props for thinking out of the box. Plus, she looks happy and comfortable -- which can't be said for a lot of what we saw on Sunday. It's very Sienna Miller.

I'm going to try and DIY it with nipple pasties and my mom's fancy napkins.







I want to like Anne Hathaway. I really, really do. At the very least, I liked her Chanel dress. Then she gave an acceptance speech that started with "blerg!"Then she went up on stage, gave the mic another go when the movie she was in for 20 minutes won, and tried to murder-by-hug Amanda Seyfried. I just can't with Anne Hathaway. But like I said, the dress is alright.
Michelle Dockery
Not enough love was given to Michelle Dockery and her Alexandre Vauthier dress, in my humble opinion. She looked elegant and regal -- but still managed to bring more fashion A-game than many who walked that red carpet.
Someone should high five her, if she manages to ever lift her arms again.
Jessica Chastain

Everyone's orange crush got a lot of hate for this Calvin Klein dress it seems -- the colour, the "pregnancy pleat," and the draped cleavage. I do believe it would've been more flattering if the top were more fitted for a voluminous bottom, and vice versa, however I'm not too bothered by it anyway. JC, I'll give you a pass.
But lady walking behind you couldn't disagree more.
















Naomi Watts

I loved Michelle Dockery's and Kerry Washington's dresses and all jokes aside, I didn't really hate anything I saw on the red carpet on Sunday. (Oh except Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, and Rachel Weisz.) But for my final dress, this is who I think truly was one of the best dressed: Naomi Watts in Zac Posen. The colour, the fit, the open back, the weird bunchy train -- I liked everything about it. Something about that train reminds me of a lobster and I think that's pretty awesome too because lobster is delicious.
Fin.
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