Am I Really Keeping It Real? [Strength Through Vulnerability]
So often, we say that we're being real with others but do we know how to be authentic with and about ourselves. Analise Kandasammy explores this topic in the latest post in our Strength Through Vulnerability Series...
I am a firm believer of ‘Keeping it REAL!’ (If you're mad, stay mad!) However, the more I really think about it – I haven’t really been keeping it real for the majority of my life.
I suppose my old definition of keepin’ it real was more of having an objective opinion of people in my life – to see the good, the bad and appreciating all aspects of who they are; to not condone any unruly behaviour and to praise them relentlessly.
So before I tell you what my new definition of ‘keepin’ it real is – let us explore how I derived at the new definition.
A couple months ago, a close friend of mine reached out to me and expressed that she felt alone in her life’s struggles. She told me that some days she didn't know what she is doing, which direction she was going in or where are all of her trials and tribulations were leading her. Feelings of confusion were overwhelming and she felt like she is just stuck in quicksand, not knowing which road was needed to reach the destination named success.
I feel that I pale in comparison to their achievements (another issue for another blog) The constant smiles and fabulous trips on Facebook, the boyfriends and marriages, the promotions, the attainment of scholastic honours - I’m not exaggerating for pity - I really know some exceptional human beings. Everyone just seems to have their head on and moving in the right direction.
My life has been less than perfect but I’m fighting to make sense of it, to find my inner peace and happiness.
I wouldn’t say my friends didn’t know me but I certainly didn’t share many of nsecurities with them. One day a crack appeared in my facade and I just had to release. Was it easy? Nope. I was so scared of being judged but I was also exhausted of acting everything is just great.
Opening up myself to my friends gave me a sense of courage that I have been longing for my entire life. I have allowed them to see me for who I am, and they have not rejected me. Opening up and allowing to place my trust in some of my friends has definitely deepened our relationships. I am truly blessed.
We are so busy keeping up appearances with our loved ones that we risk not benefitting from truly authentic relationships with them. We risk not being able to engage, love, support and connect on a real level because we are too scared to seem as though we are not normal or worse yet be judged since we don’t fit an ideal. When I was going through my dark period of confusion - sharing my experience was a blessing to my close relationships. A new gateway of openness and trust has been created.
So what’s my new definition of Keepin’ it real? Well it’s more of a personal manifesto really...
1 I AM worthy of love and kindness. I embrace my strengths and my weaknesses.
2 I will show up and be seen and engage people around me no matter how uncomfortable it is for me.
3 I hereby choose to live authentically with the people who are close to me and persons I work with.
4 I will exhibit self-compassion first – allow myself to make mistakes and not beat myself up over them. It is only through self-compassion can I really and truly be compassionate with others.
5 I will take emotional risks (as risky as a former banker could) irregardless of how uncomfortable I may feel and not overanalyze the consequences.
6 Learning to set boundaries and say no - saying no to people makes me feel extremely vulnerable.
7 If it scares the hell out of me – it’s probably totally worth it!!!
blessings....xoxo Analise
Analise is the co-founder of The Backpack Project a non-profit which is dedicated to providing school and health supplies to children ages 5-18 in the Caribbean Latin America. A strategist at heart wrangling to bring clarity to her wonderfully imperfect life.
I am a firm believer of ‘Keeping it REAL!’ (If you're mad, stay mad!) However, the more I really think about it – I haven’t really been keeping it real for the majority of my life.
I suppose my old definition of keepin’ it real was more of having an objective opinion of people in my life – to see the good, the bad and appreciating all aspects of who they are; to not condone any unruly behaviour and to praise them relentlessly.
So before I tell you what my new definition of ‘keepin’ it real is – let us explore how I derived at the new definition.
A couple months ago, a close friend of mine reached out to me and expressed that she felt alone in her life’s struggles. She told me that some days she didn't know what she is doing, which direction she was going in or where are all of her trials and tribulations were leading her. Feelings of confusion were overwhelming and she felt like she is just stuck in quicksand, not knowing which road was needed to reach the destination named success.
Truth is, I have been there. In fact most times, I am still there experiencing this confusion. I’m trying to figure out my career, my place in the social stratosphere, how to work through my inner demons so that they don’t hamper my future, keep up with fashion trends, keep my weight and debt down, relate to men and somehow in between all of this remember everyone’s birthdays! *whew* Good thing I don’t have a husband or kids!I don’t know about you but I have been blessed (and somewhat cursed) by having fabulous, super intellectual, successful, driven friends each in their own special way. I say ‘somewhat cursed’ because I constantly compare myself to my friends.
I feel that I pale in comparison to their achievements (another issue for another blog) The constant smiles and fabulous trips on Facebook, the boyfriends and marriages, the promotions, the attainment of scholastic honours - I’m not exaggerating for pity - I really know some exceptional human beings. Everyone just seems to have their head on and moving in the right direction.
My life has been less than perfect but I’m fighting to make sense of it, to find my inner peace and happiness.
I wouldn’t say my friends didn’t know me but I certainly didn’t share many of nsecurities with them. One day a crack appeared in my facade and I just had to release. Was it easy? Nope. I was so scared of being judged but I was also exhausted of acting everything is just great.
Opening up myself to my friends gave me a sense of courage that I have been longing for my entire life. I have allowed them to see me for who I am, and they have not rejected me. Opening up and allowing to place my trust in some of my friends has definitely deepened our relationships. I am truly blessed.
We are so busy keeping up appearances with our loved ones that we risk not benefitting from truly authentic relationships with them. We risk not being able to engage, love, support and connect on a real level because we are too scared to seem as though we are not normal or worse yet be judged since we don’t fit an ideal. When I was going through my dark period of confusion - sharing my experience was a blessing to my close relationships. A new gateway of openness and trust has been created.
So what’s my new definition of Keepin’ it real? Well it’s more of a personal manifesto really...
1 I AM worthy of love and kindness. I embrace my strengths and my weaknesses.
2 I will show up and be seen and engage people around me no matter how uncomfortable it is for me.
3 I hereby choose to live authentically with the people who are close to me and persons I work with.
4 I will exhibit self-compassion first – allow myself to make mistakes and not beat myself up over them. It is only through self-compassion can I really and truly be compassionate with others.
5 I will take emotional risks (as risky as a former banker could) irregardless of how uncomfortable I may feel and not overanalyze the consequences.
6 Learning to set boundaries and say no - saying no to people makes me feel extremely vulnerable.
7 If it scares the hell out of me – it’s probably totally worth it!!!
blessings....xoxo Analise
Analise is the co-founder of The Backpack Project a non-profit which is dedicated to providing school and health supplies to children ages 5-18 in the Caribbean Latin America. A strategist at heart wrangling to bring clarity to her wonderfully imperfect life.
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