in the middle of the night
Last night around 11:00, Todd and I headed to bed. We had been watching
At midnight, I woke up to the sound of Hayes crying on the monitor. We have a video monitor and I could tell that he was pretty upset just by looking at him. Todd went upstairs to cover him back up and tuck him in, and then he came back and went to sleep.
At 1:00, I heard him crying again. The same distraught cry. So I went upstairs and tucked him in this time.
At 1:45, it happened again, so Todd took him some Ibuprofen and held him for a while before tucking him back in.
At 3:00, Hayes was crying again. This time, I went up and help him and rocked him in my arms while standing up. I asked him if his throat hurt or his ears hurt, and he really didn’t respond. I tucked him back in and then at 3:30, it started again.
Todd went upstairs to get him and brought him back to our bed and put Hayes in the crook of my arm. He snoozed on and off in my arms for a while. All 40 pounds and three years old of him. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. His legs stretched down almost as far as the tops of my knees. And while I lay there holding my baby, I flashed back to the last time we were up this many times in one night.
Hayes was just a few weeks old. I was getting up to feed him every couple of hours. I’d peel myself out of bed and feed him and sometimes struggle to feed him. I’d put him back to bed and he’d arch his back because the reflux hurt him so badly. And after a few minutes, I’d end up back in the bed, holding tiny 10-pound Hayes in the crook of my arm.
His little legs barely came down as far as my wrist and I was constantly waking myself up to make sure I didn’t roll over on him or to make sure he hadn’t spit up.
We went to the doctor this morning and Hayes has an ear infection, as we suspected. And I know that his cries were so important last night to tell us that something was wrong and something hurt.
How did three years fly by so quickly? How did all this time pass, but I still have that same feeling to comfort and protect while holding my youngest boy in my arms in such a sleepy haze. And it feels like no time has passed at all.
How is it possible that while holding this large preschooler, I could still feel that tiny boy that he once was, nestled in that same sweet spot?
All I wanted in that moment (aside from sleep and for Hayes to feel better) was to freeze time. It was a long night, but also such a sweet night as we approach his third birthday.
