4 years of Ty Ty!

The day you were born I placed your tiny fingers around mine. Only hours old, you were too little to purposefully reach out for me, but once I latched you onto my hand, you clung tightly. To this day, you still cannot purposely hold onto my hand. But I continue to wrap your little fingers around mine, and you hold on tight.

I hold on tightly, tightly...

My baby boy, today you are four.

I remember bending my head down, tears streaming down my face, the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Feeling so blessed. I remember the day I had your 'big' ultrasound... my head & heart sank as we heard the words 'His head is small, too.'. The tears streaming, again. This time out of fear & defeat.

But the day you were born, there was no sadness. It was a day of pure joy. I was so ready for you. I knew that no matter what, you were my baby & I would fight to the death to give you a fighting chance at life.

You've amazed me since day one. Your intense urge to eat. The way you cozied up and slept with ease. How you melted into my chest when we'd sleep at night. I felt my heart beat with yours. My heart beats for you to this day.

My baby you'll always be.

This past year hasn't been easy for you. That breaks my heart. But you've filled this house with hope & smiles again. After 8 extremely rough months, you finally broke through. It was unbelievably hard seeing you struggle... and not knowing if you would make it to this birthday.

Watching you endure day after day of pain. Losing so much weight I could barely remember what my Ty Ty looked like.... You made it through. You did it.

Seeing you & Aidan struggle off and on for the past couple of years, makes these moments today exceptional. At this moment you are both doing amazing. I've never been more appreciative in my life.

It's been a big year for you, admist the struggles. You received your wish from Make-a-Wish... and it couldn't have come at a better time. You needed it, so. Aidan's wish of the hot tub, and the pool room for you... Being able to do your water therapy at anytime, whenever it worked best for you boys. Priceless. Your little body, as it endured great pains, needed that water. And now that you've come out of the struggles, the water is still your saving grace.

This was the year we planted your tree...

You and Aidan had your first joint birthday party... a Mustache Bash! What a huge turnout! So many people came to celebrate you two.

You are so loved. The lives you have touched continues to grow... I do my best to reply & send my thank yous to all the many, many people who have reached out to tell me how you boys have touched their lives. The kindness of strangers... the sweet emails I receive, the 'just because' gifts you get in the mail, the positive comments on this blog & your Caring Bridges. All this support means the world to me. I know that your time on Earth may be much, much shorter than I'd ever care to admit - but I know you have purpose. A purpose much greater than I could imagine. Without uttering a single word, you have spoken volumes. Lessons upon lessons. I'm proud to call you mine.

I feel like I could 'ohh & ahh' and go on & on about you.... But I'll curb the gushing (a little, ha). I know what's in my heart & I know I could write a 1000 pages about you and it would never be equivalent to the joy you bring to me. You fill my soul.

The love between you & your brothers.

The bond between you & Aidan. You two are so in-tuned to each other. You wake at the exact same time, you fall asleep at the same time. Often you will lay in the same direction. The ebb and flow of Aidan & Ty. It's constant, and it's your comfort zone. (Total bed hogs up above!!)

The way Cole always reaches out for you. He makes you giggle. I see your eyes light up when he plays with you. *heart squeeze* (Cole thought it was pretty neat that you both had green shirts on!)

And even Chloe (aka Dog) protects you with all she has.
...And oh! The way you wrinkle up your nose when you smile & giggle.

There's no doubt you were made for me! I've felt it since the moment you were born. I was definitely meant to be your Mama, and you were meant to be my baby. And I'm so grateful for the past 4 years that I've been able to hold you in my arms. 8 days old

11 months old

3 years old

Happy 4th birthday, my sweet Prince! I love you with all that I am, Mama