One photo. 5 years.

Happy 5th birthday, my sweet Ty.
I came across this mobile picture a couple weeks ago and have been attached to it ever since. It represents so many things to me...but mostly... Those eyes. Gosh, I love those long lashes and those big hazel eyes that still look up towards me, even today. Doctors have said you are legally blind. You can maybe see shadows, maybe some details. It never mattered what you could see... your little soul always looked right to me. You have always locked eyes with me in a way that showed me you felt my love. You might not be able to see me, but what you could feel was tangible to you in your own little world.
I took this picture while you were lying on my lap. I was always grabbing the good 'ol Blackberry (ha! Since we're reminiscing! Holla!) and snapping pictures of you while you ate. For one thing, it was your most favorite thing to do - Eat. To say you LOVED your bottles would be an understatement. Aidan was born without a sucking reflex and couldn't eat bottles like you were able to. So when you were born and instantly took to one, I never once took that for granted. If you wanted to sit and have 8, sometimes 10 bottles a day - done and done.
I love that you were on my lap in this picture because that's where I want you always. In my arms. On my lap. Your first few months were spent nowhere but in my arms as I struggled to nurse you between all your seizures. For 4 months we gave it all we had until we finally went to the bottle. But it was still a way for me to connect to you. To hold you, provide for you, to watch you do what you loved. I love this picture because even though you lost your sucking reflex after your first horrible brain funk at age 2, you still to this day will look for them. Bottles, that is. It's not as often as when you were younger, but every now and then you holler out as if you need one. Your little mouth with get a'going and you turn your head in pursuit for your fave thing - milk :)

In this photo you were almost 9 months old. ?! You seem soooo wittle! Look at that tiny melon! I just wanna smooch it! Another reason I haven't stopped staring at this picture for weeks. Reminds me how special you are, unique. One of a kind, for sure. While doctors said that small noggin of yours would hold you back in many ways, I always thought of it as the cutest thing ever. It made you a Superstar. Because whenever you accomplish something that doctors said you would never do, I cheer inside. And today you are 5. FIVE!!
This year has had it's ups and downs, but you've shown us all once again that you're following your own story. While you may have lost some of your skills or abilities, it's also been your best year so far with your homeschooling and therapies. I love watching you try new things, accomplish new milestones (pushing through with your *ahem* spitfire attitude!). I'm right here with you, for all the ebbs and flows, loses and gains. Everything makes you YOU. Could not be any prouder of you, Ty.
But mostly I am just so, so grateful. I've been blessed to have you in my arms for another whole year. My bond with you is as strong as ever. My soul and yours were woven tightly together since before you were born. I feel it every day. How you respond to me, and how I respond to you, is something only we may ever know.
I feel your love and you feel mine. There's no safer place for you than in my arms, and you know that. Those eyes! Through your eyes I can tell you feel safe and loved. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

I'm so thankful for you, my sweet 5 year old. Wishing you the happiest of birthday

Love always, Mama