Blogging the Bachelor: Girls Tell Nothing

Abandoned AshLee
Really, what else do these botoxed boneheads have to say on national television?
The girls really give it to the Tierrist in the first few minutes. In fact, the girls couldn’t even pay attention to Sean because Tierra’s antics were far too distracting. The horror! What does Tierra the terrible have to say for herself? Thankfully, lots.
Tierra just thinks that she, like Pink, is just M!ssaundastood. Her best friend (bless her heart) is back home. So why does she need to make a new one on the show? To be honest, while I was watching Tierra’s verbal diarrhea I thought to myself, “she’d be a good friend to have on your side in a bar fight.” She only knows about 300 words in total, so the dialogue was pretty limited, but she’s not that bad.
Newsflash: Tierra is off the market. She’s sporting a giant “sparkler” on her tattooed ring finger. Yawn.
Sara, the one lacking in ambidexterity, is on the hot seat next. Unfortunately, ABC makes us relive her entire authentic and super sad exit. Then, they make her expand on it and make us feel even worse about Sara’s lot in life. Christ.
Dez, our fave girl next door warms America’s heart and says a bunch of words I don’t remember. Everyone said “awe” in unison and Dez went back to her seat. The End.
Abandoned Ashlee
In the end, Ashlee was abandoned again. Though, this time, she was abandoned on national television. I have to say; I’ve never been a huge fan of Botox, but girl looks pretty good for 32. Since I’m pushing that age, I’m going to say, I’m not ruling it out.
He Said, She Said: Ashlee vs. Sean
Bottom line: AshLee does not take rejection well. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Please, read that retarded book spurred by that mothereffing Sex and the City episode. AshLee calls Sean out hardcore. It’s obvious that he was lying and just trying to get her in the sack when he said it, but AshLee wouldn’t let it go. It’s called HEAT OF THE MOMENT. Have you never had a one-night stand? Christ. Go to a bar.
Catherine vs. The Other Girl
Catherine is going to win. I'm just saying it. The army brat sorority sister is not going to close the deal with Sean. She should be thankful she made it this far.

Texts Received During the Show
“Maybe she should get her roots done before going on national television.”
“Tierra is dumb.”
“What’s a leasing consultant anyway? Seriously.”
“Sarah, it’s called dating in your 20’s, arm or no arm.”
“Sean doesn’t even know how to open a freaking bottle of wine. Dealbreaker.”