The end of the day.

I am grateful for the end of the day. Every frustration and every particle of exasperation that may have weighed down upon me throughout the day dissipates just as the water disappears down the drain. When I bathe my babies, I cleanse myself, too; I wash away all the bad, and I hold tight to all the good. I recount the events of the day, and although my mind wants to jump to the insecurities of I should've/could've/would've, I don't. Instead, I look into the eyes of these children of mine, and I smile and sing. They look at me and my love and adoration for them is reflected in their eyes, and in those moments, I know and believe they love me despite all my imperfections. As the rhythm of the evening continues with bedtime stories and prayers, I feel my heart soften; at that point, I can maybe even crack a smile at earlier events that had me seething with anger. I feel guilty and embarrassed to admit how angry I get sometimes during the day. It's just that in these high-stress situations--like trying to finagle a hysterically screaming Asher and a tantrum-throwing Adam into the car--I have a difficult time keeping my cool. There really is no cool left to keep; by that time, I'm just plain exhausted, so I stand there numb to any more emotion and I simply blink as Adam lies down belly first in a gigantic puddle beside the car. That happened last week, and I am still replaying that scene in my head--I've even progressed from cracking a smile to letting out an audible laugh. It wasn't funny in the slightest at the time, but that's what hindsight is all about, right? The end of the day gives me that perspective, the this too shall pass reminder. And of course I'm reminded of those moments I hope will linger just a little longer, like Adam's big smile with still only his two little teeth on bottom and Asher's adorably chubby rolls that I cannot stop squeezing. Because you want to know the truth? No matter how insanely difficult the day may have been, it eventually comes to an end. It will all start again tomorrow, but maybe I'll be able to bring a little piece of perspective....because each day I grow a little wiser, a little stronger. And my hearts grows even bigger.