Our friends should not be an audience.

Right now a bunch of people I really love are all gathering at my beloved camp, where they’ll pray and worship and have a lot of fun together. I won’t be there. My life doesn’t naturally flow into that camp anymore, and it’s been the bloodiest wound in my life the past two years.

So when I noticed that my Facebook newsfeed was full of people talking about the event, I realized that I’m going to have to stay off Facebook for like… at least two weeks, as people update and reminisce.

Follow me on this.

Last year one of my friends had a miscarriage, her third one. We were talking about it and how at that same time a friend of ours was posting pictures of her baby bump and the nursery’s progress and anticipating the arrival of her baby.

Our friend is so wonderful. She’s not mean spirited or anything. But knowing that situation, she would have never run up and said “LOOK AT HOW THE BABY IS GROWING! COME SEE MY NURSERY! ISN’T THIS OUTFIT CUTE?” There would have been some discretion, some kindness, some carefully chosen words and a sensitivity to the situation.

An audience sits to watch someone perform. There is distance. They face each other. They are not on the same side.

Facebook messes us up. It tells us that there is us, sitting at our computers or holding our phones in our hand, and then there are the hundreds or even thousands of people we are connected to. That’s not friendship. That’s not relationship.

When our friends become our audience, we are no longer actually living life with them. We are performing a carefully choreographed dance to seek the approval of many with no concern for our friends in the back row who cannot walk. Our friends are on the stage with us, moving together and watching us sing from the stage. They are the company. We cannot lose sight of this any more than we already have.

I’m not perfect in any way, and I’d say my struggle with social media might be unhealthy, but I crave real community. Not “likes” and “shares,” but actual sharing life. I challenge you all to live more life with the people who are naturally in it. Don’t drag others into the “shareable” moments, just let them be treasures in your heart.