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the wedding dress i never wore


I've gone back and forth about whether or not I wanted to post this--but I figure, best let open about how I'm feeling. I haven't written too much about our wedding on the blog, and the only post I did write I made private after awhile. So what's all the fuss? Today I sold the wedding dress I've never formally worn, and a whole-lotta emotional baggage attached to it.
Let me back up just a bit. Nearly two years ago (!!!) while on vacation in Las Vegas with my two sisters and brother-in-law, Chris and I decided to get married. I did expect to have something--a wedding, a reception, whatever--when we returned home with our entire family and friends. In newlywed glow and giddy for wedding planning, I did buy wedding dress. In time we found we didn't want a "real", traditional wedding to replace what we had, our actual wedding. It was fun, lovely and very touching in ways I never expected.
i absolutely loved, loved, loved trying on wedding gowns!
But it was hard emotionally to jump out the planning, and the idea of a wedding . Especially when I had this beautiful fit and flare gown. It was made from lace and tulle, accented with a satin band and Swarovski crystal brooch. Paid for and hidden away (from Chris) in my office closet--I didn't know what to do with the wedding dress. Ideas bubbled around about maybe having another ceremony anniversaries down the road. I couldn't make up my mind with what to do with it. I loved the dress but it seemed out of place in where we were in our life together and our marriage (by this time we had been married 9 months). So we declared it TBD!
Fast forward to a little after our one year wedding anniversary, we modeled as groom and bride for Ever Something's wedding photo shoot. Meaning me in a wedding dress. It was first time Chris had ever seen me in one. And I remember his face when saw me and all the sweet things he said.

Something in my mindset shifted when we got home. I washed off the heavy eye makeup and did my usual eye liner, then I went back to the office closet. I unwrapped the dress that had been hibernating for a year & 6 months and put it on. I wanted to show Chris a beautiful wedding gown. The one I had chosen, not just a ill fitting borrowed dress that had giant red clamps holding it together down my back.

He covered his eyes at first, confused on why I had suddenly gone crazy and whipped out the oh-so-secretive wedding dress. But I wanted to share it with him. I wanted someone else to love me in the dress as much as I did. And when Chris did, I was able to (carefully) wrap it back up and move on.

Despite my wonderful wedding experience, I was holding onto the things I didn't get to do when we decided to elope--the planning, the bridal showers, the bachelorette party, and the dress. I had my mindset wrong, I was looking backwards focused on what I didn't get rather than what I did. This formal wedding dress was a (expensive and emotional) mistake--I had my wedding dress, it was a mint Ted Baker gown. And I loved it.

"When you think of a Vegas wedding, thoughts may come to mind of spur of the moment, perhaps alcohol-induced, short-lived marriages. But there is something so romantic about it to me… the feeling of spontaneity, of letting yourself get lost in the moment, and following your heart. To us, it’s the most magical moment in the world." (source)
So today I sold, packed up and sent off the wedding dress I never wore. Except for in bridal shop and that one Sunday evening in front of my husband.

And I'm totally okay with it.

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