Seeking

I've been rather distracted this week. Living inside my head is exhausting. My youngest son Sam, who was 14 when I started this art blog is now 20. It's hard to believe those years have gone by in what seems like an instant. His story is long and quite complicated and although this blog is primarily for posting my artwork -Sam has been my biggest piece still in progress. Every once and awhile I come here to express a bit about having a son with profound autism and other medical issues. Lately I've been having spiraling negative thoughts-concerned about his day to day wellbeing. He visits every Sunday and things usually go pretty well but there is always a sadness when he leaves that I can't seem to shake until Monday morning but this past Monday I just couldn't shake it. I started researching as I am known to do, looking for ways to help someone who seems to be in such distress who cannot speak. I become so overwhelmed about his health issues along with the fact that he is autistic. It can be so discouraging. It's one thing to have ulcerative colitis, or dental issues or arthritis when you can express yourself and get the proper help you need. With Sam it's always a guessing game of trial and error that is so heartbreaking and stressful. Sometimes each day can be rollercoaster. His care is so complicated and I fear for the future and what his adult services will look like once he turns 22. I've gotten a lot better at realizing that I can't help Sam if I am so stressed and discouraged . I have to try and look at all the positives because there are many. He lives at wonderful loving school with staff who really care about him and do the best they can. They are up with him at 2 am sometimes for the day if need be. I have a large supportive family with many resources and excellent health insurance. I keep searching for ways to help Sam and I'll never give up on trying to make his life the best it can be whatever that might look like. When I step inside my studio I leave all the stress, sorrow and regret behind me. When I am working, time seems to stand still and I am most grateful for that. Time to get back to work.
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