Stuffy and Other Stuff

The air is dusty and the sky is gray. I can taste smoke in my mouth and hear my skin crying for clean air. Obviously, the haze is back. Of all days, it has to come on the weekend. The start of my glorious weekend is now gloomy and everything seems dreary on my sacred Saturday as I write this. I am not in the most brightest mood today. Just recently, I have been told that i have been different;cold and bitter. This came from a close human being who piqued my heart some months back whom I now spend my emotions and no-secret conversations with. I am surprised. Speechless and words seem to be defunct. Maybe because this is very new to me and i have never had anyone said that to me before unless for reasons of them not knowing me very well. I am fine with that and maybe that is why my close friends are my good friends and those who have been trying to figure me out remains as acquaintance. I don't usually make friends easily to begin with but that does not make me an unfriendly person. I am just awkward when it comes to starting new friendships or starting anything new or even keeping up with a new friendship or a phase 2 friendship. Must i even go on about relationships? Thank you. Even making myself a cup of Columbian coffee at work for the first time was just awkward for me. Everyone at my office takes the usual coffee brew and some of them labels my coffee a 'hipster' brew which was really strange and I don't like how my columbian coffee was named after. I don't usually make coffee at work cos green tea has always been my fixed working beverage. So yeah. Anything new to me just takes time for me to dive in. Apart from that, new things or new meetings can be tiring. The process of thinking for the next action and reaction to occur is excruciating and mentally exhausting. I am 23 this year and i am a boring person with bad angst. I am one that enjoys the silence but my silence is often mistaken as cold and to some, selfish. I don't get both. If Dalai Lama does not speak for a week, does that make him a cold hearted person? Or if Lorde does not speak for a week, does that make her an extremely angry person? Or what most would jump to conclusion with hormones being the problem among women for the mood swing and all. Sometimes people just need to stop rationalising everything and just understand or best, accept the situation, the person, ultimately the nature of everything. I may sound like an insane person typing this but i am just writing how i feel and things should be just the way they are. Like the waters in the sea and the clouds above us. Or how the calming sounds of the wind sings to the trees and the animals in the wild. In a nutshell, people just need to accept how some things cannot be changed even if they have no answers because some things in life simply have no explanations. And, boy. How i miss writing. Crunching short lines is no fun. My work is like constipation but i am surviving. All okay i guess. I think I have said much. Enjoy your weekend.
Au Revoir X