loud please | new favorite on repeat : hozier - 'from eden'
det har hunnit bli vinter och jag blev en flyttfågel.
jag lever i london och här, i ändlösa nätter av neon,
drickandes lychée martinis på barer i sagohöga glastorn, - frågas det på engelska hur det är.
på middag efter plåtning under stockholmsbesök, bland långkok & levande ljus, hyacinter & hemligheter, - frågas det på svenska hur det är.
hur det är för mig att leva i london?
jag svarar, på båda språk, både nya vänner och de som känner mig bäst,
precis som jag verkligen känner det;
att det är fantastiskt & svårt, alldeles på samma gång.
det är svårt för att jag saknar min familj och de vänner som känner min historia. svårt för att jag saknar det nordiska på vis jag faktiskt inte väntat mig, - saknar, som m kallar det, efter att vi hälsat på; vår känsla för detaljer och det goda i livet.
jag saknar min studio ibland.
den med öppen spis & hopplösa gamla fönster,
vita, dragiga trägolv & svarta spindlar, stora som femkronor. jag saknar att ha havet bara en andlöst längtande promenad bort. jag saknar
bellas mjuka lilla hand i min och
noëls frågande
honey? jag saknar papa's minutiösa droppande av vit tryffel-olja på musfällans manchego, innan de ska upp på vinden {
åkermössen ska åtminstone ha en god sista måltid!}.
jag saknar mama's ansikte som dyker upp bakom hallväggen,
fortfarande nyfiken på min dag, trots att hon inte gjort annat
än att lyssna på, - & reda i människors svärta och svårigheter
sedan innan solen ens var uppe. saknar hans själfulla ögon & hennes själfulla léende.
image n°1 |
mouse girl | soon in my own little print shop (being built as we speak)
image n°2 | just the sink | at last, i’ve found a way to make my favorite coffee in english
blessup december | handwritten by
sara n bergman for the
LW photo art calendar’15 image n°3 | quartet remembering december 2013 | selfportraits & stills
image n°4 & 5 | from the now sold out LW photo art calendar’14
model :
lina lindholm | handwriting on body : sara n bergman
image n°6 |
december from the new
LW photo art calendar’15 (illustration by sara n bergman & photography by me for love warriors)
favorite quote on paradise is by nikos kazantzakis
© hannah lemholt photography / love warriors
//
winter has arrived and i turned into a bird of passage.
i left sweden for a life in london and, in endless nights of neon,
drinking lychée martinis at bars in fairytale tall towers of glass,
- i’m asked in english what it’s like.
at dinner after the photo shoot during a stockholm visit,
among confit & candlelight, christmas flowers & clandestineness,
- i’m asked in swedish what it’s like.
what’s it like for me living in london?
i answer, in both languages,
both the new friends and those who know me best,
just the way it really is for me;
that it's amazing & hard, all at the same time.
it's hard because i miss my family and the friends who know my story.
difficult because i miss the nordic in ways i actually hadn’t expected,
- miss, as m call it, after us visiting sweden;
our attention to detail and appreciation of the good life.
i miss my studio sometimes.
the one with the fireplace & hopeless old windows,
white, drafty wooden floors & black spiders; large as two pound coins.
i miss having the sea just a breathlessly wistful walk away.
i miss
bella's soft little hand in mine and
noël's wondering
honey? i miss papa's meticulous dribbling of white truffle oil
on the mouse traps manchego, before going up to the attic
{
the field mice should at least have a good last supper!}.
i miss mama's face emerging behind the wall of the hallway at night,
still curious about my day, even after doing nothing but listen to, - & sort in,
- peoples darkness and difficulties since before even the sun was awake.
miss his soulful eyes & her soulful smile.
it's amazing because of just that.
that i even
have beloved people in my life,
to miss so much there’s an actual ache,
in the first place.
it is amazing because this city is.
amazing for its markets to get lost in, among fleas & flowers.
amazing for the night life high up in those glass towers,
those with the stunning views and the dizzy drinks.
amazing for the classic british busy local pubs, with logs on the fire,
corduroy pants, - & all the heartfelt
darling! 's
amazing for the glass of pinot on a rainy wednesday.
amazing for a family of people, who really are all new to me,
every single one, - but feels strangely familiar below the surface,
with their soft syrup eyes & roaring laughter,
for the discussions, and the differences & similarities.
amazing for the fact that an address really doesn’t matter much.
amazing for that
home, so beyond the cliché of it - is in
me.
amazing because i can’t even bring myself to tell you everything,
because i think it would overflow then,
- with how romantic it is, for real, when it's right.
and, as so often is, when i’ve collected the jumble of thoughts,
when i’ve written them down here. when i share them,
- then they become increasingly clear to me.
only the most important things are left, after it's all allowed to take up space.
the most important thing? paradise. it’s right here. right among us.
or as one of my favorite sentences reads out;
‘you have your brush,
you have your colors,
you paint the paradise,
then in you go.’
and the snake?
well, no paradise without one.
it hides gold. and love,
h