Binders, Bras, and Bulls

1. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: I thought I was busy when my kids were babies. I thought things would get a little less crazy once they got a little older. I thought that once they became teenagers, they’d be so much more self-sufficient and wouldn’t require as much time on my part.

HA!

Hahahaha hohohoho HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Ha?

Ho.

I thought wrong.

It turns out that having teenagers makes life five million thousand trillion hundred times busier than having babies. And I just have two! What if all four of my kids were teenagers? I wouldn’t even have time to shower. I wouldn’t even have time to get dressed. I wouldn’t even have time to eat.

Scratch that. I always have time to eat.

But I barely have time to shower. Which, actually, is fine with me. (See below.)




8. Do you love showering? I mean…I guess I appreciate a good shower, but sometimes it disturbs me how long I could go without a shower (if spouse and social norms were no issue) and still be perfectly content. I like to tell Marlboro Man—you know, those times I really want to charm his socks off—that if anything ever happened to him, I probably wouldn’t shower very much.

I could so totally hang in biblical times.

I also like to tell him that if anything ever happened to him, the only consolation I’d have is that the dogs would all finally be able to sleep in bed with me.

Again…I only tell him these things when I really want to woo him.

Though he usually just winds up scratching his head. I wonder why that is?




b. The girls have already started their homeschool year, and the boys will start right after Labor Day. At this point, I’m actually ready for school to start because the preparation and anticipation is a-killin’ me. Setting up binders, digging necessary reference materials out of boxes, finding missing CD’s, getting all of the summertime stains off of t-shirts, cleaning mud off of backpacks, figuring out who doesn’t have underwear, and sorting through books is not my love language.




4. I’m still walking up a storm, though! I’ve now lost 22.533029 pounds. I would have lost 23 pounds if I hadn’t had that doughnut yesterday.

And okay, I had two doughnuts. But I have to be me.




6. A bull has been making my life very difficult. He somehow got into our hay meadow the other day, and I had to cut my walk short because as I walked closer and closer to him on the road, his stare became more and more angry. And bulls aren’t gentlemen—trust me. They will plow over a 45-year-old redhead with little upper body strength just as quickly as they will a 45-year-old rancher with biceps that bulge into the next county. So when I realized his stare wasn’t letting up, I just decided to nonchalantly start walking slowly in reverse before turning around and hightailing it back to my house, screaming at the top of my lungs.

Fortunately, the next day the bull had decided to leave our hay meadow. Unfortunately, he decided to leave our hay meadow in favor of my vegetable garden, where he, unbeknownst to me because I was in bed, spent one long, passionate night eating all my sunflowers and trampling pretty much everything else of value.

And then he left.

I haven’t seen him since, but when I do you can bet I’m going to give him a good talking to.

As long as he’s on the other side of the fence.




IX. For the first time since I went into labor and had my youngest five weeks early (so, ten years), Marlboro Man and I are not going to the annual Range Round-up this weekend. Our ranch is going, but since Marlboro Man has a football scrimmage with our boys (he’s the coach) Saturday and I still have school to prepare for and piles of things to sort through, we decided to be old and decrepit and stay on the ranch instead. Go, team! We’ll be cheering you on from the ranch.

Unless it’s after 8 pm, and then we’ll be in bed.




12. Every bra I’ve ever loved has been discontinued.

Sorry I said bra on my website.




6. Love you guys! My posting will pick up again next week. Thank you for sticking with me during this trying time of binders, bras, and bulls.

Lots of love,
Pioneer Woman

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