I just learned that a book I love, American Gods by one of my all-time favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, is coming to HBO as a series. I am so excited — and nervous lest they mess it up as they sometimes do! There are lots of great opportunities for older actresses here; I really hope they don’t skew the ages younger than they are supposed to be.

Characters have not been cast yet, and lots of people online are blogging their “dream cast” for this production, so I thought I’d chime in. Because I love doing things like this, but especially because everyone keeps getting the main characters wrong …

:: MAIN CHARACTERS ::

Shadow

First of all, Shadow is not white. Period. He is described as being one of those people you just cannot quite place, racially. Late in the book we learn his mother was black. That means Dominic Cooper and Tom Hardy are right out!

He is also very powerfully built but I just don’t like the popular choice among other dream cast bloggers: The Rock, aka Dwayne Johnson. Right skin color, wrong demeanor. Shadow is big, yeah, but very quiet and just doesn’t project that unmistakeable vehemence and everybody’s-eyes-on-me manner that Johnson brings to everything.

I can’t believe I haven’t yet come across a cast list nominating Jason Momoa! Not only the right look and right age, also the right height and well able to project a quiet character who is nonetheless very powerful.

Mr. Wednesday

The popular nomination is Anthony Hopkins, but this is old hat for him. We know he can play Odin and we need someone without the tones of the graphic novel movie. My vote is for Bryan Cranston, who I think could really pull off the dry-witted trickster type.

Laura Moon

I first thought of Laura San Giacomo, but she is too old to actually play this part. Then I pictured Mila Kunis calling Shadow “puppy” and I was hooked.

:: LAKESIDE PEOPLE ::

Hinzelmann

John Mahoney, hands down. Other bloggers keep saying Clint Eastwood? No, no, no! Hinzelmann is a teddy bear, people! Cute, cuddly, and imminently nonthreatening. Another cast list mentioned Robin Williams and I could see that, but I think Mahoney is the better choice.

Chad Mulligan

Colin Ferguson. Just a nice, big decent looking cop.

Samantha Black Crow

Julia Jones for the half-American Indian hitchhiker Shadow picks up.

Marguerite Olson

Karina Lombard looks exactly like Samantha’s half sister!

Audrey Burton

Laura Prepon. (I have to admit I like the irony of making Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon, both from That 70s Show, be best friends and rivals Laura and Audrey here.)

:: OLD GODS ::

Low Key / Loki

Adrien Brody just totally looks like he could pull off the trickster/huckster god.

Mad Sweeney

I realize Simon Pegg isn’t seven feet tall … but then who is? For a “fight for the joy of it” type, I love him.

Mr. Nancy

Popular choice Morgan Freeman is not only overdone, he has a bit too much gravitas for the light-hearted Mr. Nancy. Mr. Nancy is a little man, not necessarily short but definitely a skinny little dude. I’m voting for Don Cheadle, who is not exactly what I pictured when I read the book, but is awfully darn close.

Bilquis / Sheba

Naomi Campbell. (Close runner-up: Vanessa Williams.)

Easter

Most of the dream cast bloggers are putting model-thin gals as Easter, but she is clearly described as being voluptuously curvaceous. Christina Hendricks it is! I’m sure she can pull off blonde.

Czernobog / Bielebog

Peter Stormare.

Zorya Utrennyaya

Joan Allen.

Zorya Vechernyaya

Helen Hunt.

Zorya Polunochnaya

MyAnna Buring.

Mr. Ibis

Oded Fehr.

Mr. Jacquel

Pano Masti.

Bast

Patricia Velasquez … and we already know she looks good as an Egyptian.

Horus

Sean Cronin. This guy totally looks like he could forget how to talk.

:: NEW GODS ::

The Technical Kid

I might have chosen Jack Black for this, but it needs to be a pimply kid … which eliminates Jonah Hill (the popular choice) too. Jacob Wysocki.

Mr. Town

Stephen Dorff.

Mr. Stone

Mark Strong.

Media

A lot of actresses could play Media; “perfect blonde” is pretty much the sole criterion. I vote for Diane Kruger but considered Rebecca Romijn and Charlize Theron too.

There are other characters, of course, but that’s most of the main ones. What do you think of my dream team for the HBO series of American Gods? Let me know your picks in the comment section!

See all the gods in American Gods.