sry-m0m: NOW. what a weird thing to think about on a thursday...

sry-m0m:

NOW. what a weird thing to think about on a thursday night. Now.
I am choosing to slow down my thinking, turn away from homework, class scheduling, rapid thoughts, and endless worries of tomorrow. I am choosing to slow my breathing, sit back. Look around. Now.

Being mindful is so important, and often its ignored by popping a few nyquil and hoping your brain will turn off after they kick in. Im not going to say the outcome of that isn’t great, because believe me, this is my solution more nights than not. TONIGHT though, I am slowing down long enough to look around.

Not everything I see is positive, Im tired of seeing the same things over and over again. I end most days by feeling empty and worthless. Why am I here? Do I even make a difference? I give and give and end the day with nothing. I feel forgotten and in the way. I hate lying to my parents, lying to myself, and everyone around me about how I’m feeling. ————
But Im glad I can feel. I feel blessed and cursed to care so deeply about certain things and people. I am thankful for all the apologies I convinced myself to reveal through the shame and embarrassment. I am thankful that I have a family that loves me and supports me. I am thankful that I have a body. I am thankful for my soul and mind, and every good vibe that exists in my life. I get a warm feeling thinking about how close I am to the outdoors, despite how cold it may be this time of year. How blessed am I to get to peer out my window and see the moon through the darkness.