Mud, soccer, and looking horrendous

If you need me for the next year, there’s a good chance that you’ll be able to find me trying to clean mud off all the various things in my life that were covered in it this weekend.

Friday was Caroline’s last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday and the rain had already begun with the weathermen promising there was a lot more on the way. But we braved the rain to meet Mimi and Bops for Italian food and then came home and went to bed early because Caroline was scheduled to play in a soccer tournament on Saturday morning at 7:30. If you’re interested in travel math, this meant we would have to be up at 5:45 and leave our house by 6:30. In case you are new here, this is not my optimal time of day.

But it rained enough on Friday night that I really thought the tournament would be cancelled. This just goes to show that I know nothing because we checked the website at 5:45 Saturday morning and found out all the games were going on as scheduled. Which is how we found ourselves driving across San Antonio in the pitch dark and the pouring rain to go sit and watch soccer on Saturday morning. It felt like it was the middle of the night in a monsoon.

The parents watched our girls play in the rain while we all stood under a pop-up tent. The upside was at least it wasn’t cold. They were like a bunch of drowned rats chasing a ball and our team didn’t fare so well. It was like in their hearts and minds they were still snuggled up in their beds. And I totally get it. Bed would have been a far better place at that juncture.

By the time we drove back out to the fields for our second game of the day, it was like a big mud stew. In about the second minute of the game, Caroline slid right into a girl on the other team and they both fell flat in the mud. For a minute she acted like it bothered her which made me want to remind her of all the times she and Gulley’s boys have purposely made a mud puddle for themselves to slide around in. But then she seemed to embrace it and did a header even though the soccer ball was just covered with mud.

Sadly, they lost that game too but played much better and certainly had the dirt to show for it. I spent about forty-five minutes after we got home attempting to hose down my child, her uniform, her cleats, her shinguards, her backpack and all the towels we used to clean her up enough for the car ride home. And then I had to hose down myself.

After we were finally showered and clean again, we went over to Gulley’s house because look what’s been going on there.

That’s right. Two puppies. Because apparently she doesn’t read my blog or listen to what I say.

Oh I kid.

They’ve been talking about getting a puppy ever since their dog, Annie, passed away at the beginning of the summer and I told her I highly recommended getting two at once because if I end up in an asylum I’d like for her to be there with me. But, truth be told, there is something to be said for getting the puppy phase over in one fail swoop as opposed to repairing the wood frame on your back door only to have someone chew it up all over again.

So we got our puppy fix and picked up some barbecue for dinner before heading home. And then about an hour or so later, the big storm they’d been talking about all week finally hit. There was wind and rain and lightning and thunder and all I could think about was that the soccer fields were going to be even muddier for Sunday’s game.

Sure enough, when we got to the fields about 12:45 Sunday afternoon they were just one giant mud pit. We slopped through the mud to get to our field and the girls started the game a little slow as they tried to figure out how to move the ball and keep their footing.

They were down 3-0 at halftime against the team who was currently in the lead to win the whole tournament, but came back and had an amazing second half and won the game 4-3. It was the perfect way to end the fall season and they were just a little bit excited.

And more than a little muddy.

P and I did our best to rinse her off as she sat on the tailgate of my car, after we peeled off her muddy cleats and socks, using a few old towels I’d packed and the water left in her water cooler because we were heading to Bass Pro Shops right after the game to buy her a pair of snake boots to wear to the ranch.

That’s right. Snake boots. These are not boots for snakes because snakes don’t have feet. They are boots in case you inadvertently step on or near a snake that keep you from being bitten. I really can’t talk about it or explore any further scenarios.

We left Bass Pro Shops with the snake boots, some camo face paint, a squeaky rubber turkey for Piper and Mabel and a bag of kettle corn that they were selling out front. So, you know, the essentials.

When we got home I repeated the entire mud eradication system I’d done the day before and then threw everything into the washing machine. Honestly, I’m not sure any of it will ever be really clean again. Personally I wanted to just throw the socks away but P seemed shocked by that suggestion so I’ll attempt to salvage them…until he’s not paying attention and I throw them in the trash.

Once I got everything in the wash and I was showered and in my pajamas, I texted Gulley to see how their day had been and how the puppies were doing. She texted me back that she’d been cleaning the house all day and getting ready for Thanksgiving and we lamented about how puppies wake you up in the middle of the night and then she texted me this:

She also called me and left me a voicemail explaining, “I meant ME, not YOU!!!”

Which I was relieved to know even though I am well aware I wasn’t looking my best. I was just concerned I might have to change the title of my new book to “Nobody’s More Horrendous Than You”.

And I’m not sure that’s quite as endearing as the original.