My 7 Worst Drunk Moments.
My seven worst drunk moments. I promised you (on Twitter), didn’t I? From being slightly drunk to transforming into an inebriated terror. With a morality-message at the end.
Let’s go.
NUMBER SEVEN: I WOKE UP LIKE THIS
After a night with my favorite Alcoholic Anonymous I stumbled upstairs and fell asleep right away. When I woke up I was wearing the same glittery shirt as I did the night before, and my UGGS boots were in the middle of the doorway, with my jeans still completely tucked into them.
I had literally stepped out of my jeans and boots and fallen into bed.
(If you followed me on Instagram at that time you’ve probably seen the pictures of said shirt and said pants-Ugg-pile. Don’t want to miss any of my drunken disorderly behaviour? Follow my Instagram.)
NUMBER SIX: I WOKE UP LIKE THIS PT II
After homemade Cosmopolitans, me and the favorite Alcoholic Anonymous were sitting on the couch and I should have known something was up but I thought it was TOTALLY normal I was cross eyed and seeing double.
Then I had to run to the toilet to vomit (let the record show the last time I puked from alcohol was in 2008) and realised I was on my way to being really drunk. AA put me to bed.
I woke up with a hair clip in my hair and I had NO idea how it got there. Turns out AA put it in there to keep my hair back. Such a good and efficient friend.
NUMBER FIVE: MY FRIDAY BENDER
I don’t know if this qualifies, but this is recent and kind of terrible: I drank from noon to 11 PM on Friday the 6th.
I started with a shared glass of wine with Suus at 12. Next, during Bloggers On Board there was prosecco, wine and Hugo. After, I went to Mendoza with Lin to drink great wine and eavesdrop on alimony and third-wife stories.
Then, semi-drunk, I attended dinner with Femke and Aline, and there was prosecco in the park after with Lin and our boyfriends. At one point I felt like I had drank all the alcohol in Rotterdam ever.
…When I got up the next morning for The Bootcamp Club Yoga I was a very hungover unhappy camper.
NUMBER FOUR: “YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND, GUY”
I was drunk dancing with a group of girlfriends and one of them wasn’t feeling too good: It was pretty hot and crowded and so she wanted to sit down for a second in a less crowded spot. After a while I felt bad for her, so I found her and did that thing where you squat down in front of someone who is sitting, hands on their knees to be comforting. Then I looked up and went: “HEY. You’re not Susan.”
Turns out in my drunken stupidity I completely mistook another dark haired person for my friend and inappropriate touched a complete stranger. Awesome.
NUMBER THREE: BRACE FACE.
At 18, I was on vacation in Lloret with my girlfriends and we had just come back to our apartment at 3 in the morning, getting ready to go to bed. Suddenly I hear my friends screaming from the bedroom (I slept on the couch): After sneaking into the pool, three guys from across the street had climbed onto our balcony to hide from the security. As you do when you’re young and drunk, we immediately made friends.
It’s only after they left that I realise that I had been wearing my night braces the entire time.
(I still managed to get the blond’s number.)
(He was into braces. It didn’t work out.)
NUMBER TWO: IT’S THE (PORCH) CLIMB.
I was on exchange in Canada, and the Canadian freshman and I went to a cabin somewhere with our guides. We played drinking games and drank ‘Porch Climb.’
And oh, I climbed the porch alright.
After I ran around, taught everybody Dutch profanities and then puked on the lawn.
That dreadful night in a nutshell.
NUMBER ONE: THE (SECOND TO) LAST NIGHT
It was the last Thursday night of my semester on exchange in Canada with the other International students. Thanks to the fuckton of FUCKING shots you see in the picture that we got for free because it was our last night, I got ridiculously drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar (because I could no longer stand), my French friend found me outside without a jacket and I puked on his shoes. My German and English friend took me back to their apartment.
I woke up the next morning in a big shirt with a salad bowl on my head.
I tried going out again that night but I had a terrible headache, the smell of vodka made me want to die and my friends kept calling me ‘Drunkie’ (and I had been SO good my entire exchange!)
So I called it a night and took a cab back home.
Now, I’m the last person to be the morality police about anything, but I do want to discuss something about the last incident:
- I was very lucky that my friends took care of me. If my friend hadn’t find me Lord knows what would have happened to me. Anyone could have taken me. Anything could have happened. We’re not all that lucky. Please be careful and stay aware of your friends at all times.
- I have never, EVER, gotten that drunk again, nor will I. It may be a story now, it could have turned ugly so easily. Plus I do remember that being THAT fucking drunk? Is not fun. It was blurry and scary and I could not take care of myself. It sucked. Please drink responsibly. When you feel yourself getting a little too tipsy too fast, it’s time for a glass of water and a chat with a sober friend.
Okay, this has been sufficiently embarrassing and TMI.
Imma see you guys later.
Bye.
The post My 7 Worst Drunk Moments. appeared first on The Self Help Hipster.
