Bad first date ideas

First dates can really suck. I've had my share of them (read if you must here and here), and I'm sure you have too. So I can't help but want to improve your dating life by beating the following into your heads...don't ever do any of this on a first date:
Hiking, P90x or going to the gym: why do people think this is a good idea? Does talking about your job and favorite bands while out of breath sound fun? Does constantly brushing beads of sweat off your forehead while hoping your eyeliner is still in place sound fun? No? Then put your Vibram FiveFingers away! *If you're in great shape, then sure, go for it Jillian Michaels.
The beach: Have you ever gone to the beach and found yourself wading ankle deep in water and soaking in the view while sand sifts between your toes until suddenly, a wave knocks you out, drags you 200 feet and practically drowns you? Then you stand up but your bottoms pull you down because they're full of sand and your ass is hanging out, there's snot hanging out of your nose and you have sand burns all over your knees? This is why the beach is not a good first date. It's not a good look.



Hookah lounges: Once a guy took me to one on a first date. I never called him back.
Church is not a date.
Your friend's house is also not a date, unless they're not there and you threw some floating candles in the pool or something to set the mood. Idk.
Themed restaurants: There’s nothing romantic about nine gorillas going ape and a faux thunder storm interrupting dinner every 15 minutes at Rainforest Cafe. I'm not saying make reservations at Mortons, per se (but if you have the $$$...), just steer clear of themes.
Clubs: please don’t do the dougie anywhere near your date on your first date. Please.
Family functions: you should probably get to know each other first before you bring your new lover around mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt Mary, uncle Jim and all six of your nieces and nephews.
Political rallies are probably not a good idea either.

What do you think makes for a BAD first date?

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