Six Months

I'm officially six months pregnant today... (my 24 week update will be up on Friday) and it seemed like a fitting time to reflect a little bit on this pregnancy. I can't believe it's been six months already, and that we're in the downhill slope.. It's just sort of all happening.

I was so excited to get pregnant. I had baby fever for several months before we decided that it was the right time for us to start our family, and I sincerely thought that as soon as I saw a positive test, this blog was going to become just another mommy blog, brimming with baby crafts and ideas about pregnancy and prepping for baby. I was going to plan an elaborate maternity series and vlog every week about all the crazy things that happened to my body throughout this process. There were so many things. So many plans. And I was so ready for it.

And then I got pregnant. And didn't want any of those things anymore. That was the biggest surprise really: how much more introverted I became. All of a sudden I wanted to keep everything very private. I wasn't feeling well for several weeks and didn't want my picture taken and didn't want to have to answer questions. So.. pretty much the complete opposite of how I thought I would handle things.

I've slowly been trying to get back into the blogging rhythm, but it's been challenging. I'm still not sure how/why it's happening, but part of me wonders if it's because pregnancy and parenting bring so many controversial topics to the table. I feel really confident in both James' and my own ability to make the decisions we feel are best for our family, but I am so hesitant to share them and have to defend them. Especially to people that I don't know. It just sounds exhausting. And pointless.

At the same point in time, I have benefited SO much from reading the stories of other pregnant mama's, and I am now a dedicated you-tube follower: from daily blogs to pregnancy updates to diaper reviews and burp cloth diys... I see so much value in sharing your story, but right now I'm struggling to share ours.

I'm even struggling to be in social situations right now. I joined several pregnancy meet-up groups, but have yet to attend any sessions. I was going to go to a free Q&A about vaccination a couple of weeks ago, and I drove all the way there, but then I turned around and came home because I wasn't feeling up to being in a room of strangers talking about something controversial. I bought a groupon package the other day for prenatal yoga, and the first class was on Monday, but I went grocery shopping instead. At two different parties last weekend, I stayed close to the few people I knew instead of venturing out to talk to anyone new. Oops.

I mean. I don't even take my camera out anymore? But I did just order a case for the it, so I'll feel more confident throwing it in my purse without damaging it. We'll see if that makes a difference. I know once our little man is here, and I have an adorable subject, it'll be a lot easier :)

So yes. That is where things are. But I'm trying not to put any pressure on myself and just recognize that this is a season of quiet. Of less documentation, and more resting.. less writing and more planning. And that's okay. It feels counter intuitive in some ways, but stressing about it isn't worth it at the moment.

The good news is that I'm not in denial anymore. I feel him move all the time and have started nesting (which, btw, how great of a feeling is that? I feel like superwoman.) There is a lot left to do, but a lot is getting done. His little things are starting to take over different corners of our home, and I can't go very far without being reminded about him on a regular basis. It's sort of wonderful, really.

A little rambly. But that's my brain these days... Cheers to six months!