too kind?

I have a couple thoughts rolling around in my head this week and I thought I would share. It is about to get honest around here.

On the internet you came across the idea of being kind to yourself and I have mentioned it myself here, more precisely on loving yourself. I think the hardest person in the world to have a good and healthy relationship with is potentially yourself. And after some life pondering this week I think I have been too kind to myself. More precisely, I have been using ‘being kind’ to myself as an excuse for inactivity and as a cover for fear and doubt.

Despite working on my habits to eat better and exercise I am obviously not doing a good job because after months of losing a pound gaining a pound I have managed to put weight on (maybe an almost daily gelato isn’t a good idea). I can tell you taking a ‘before’ selfie can be a mind blowing wake up call. Plus despite having an ‘employment break’ there are few things I can say that I have achieved in this time; until yesterday I hadn’t worked on my dissertation for about three months, I have done very little in terms of my photography or building a career in it and I have put the bare minimum into learning Italian.

Fear and doubt have lead me into a ‘state of stuck’. I might talk about this more on another day when I have figured it out more.

Kindness comes in not beating myself up about my actions (or lack thereof) in the past (though that is a hard task in itself). Kindness comes in making a change. It is definitely time for a bit of tough love. I feel like I have been so ‘gentle’ with myself I have let myself get away with the proverbial murder. I am like the lazy teenager who wastes their summer holiday playing computer games, eating junk food and sleeping until noon (metaphor here, my computer games are pinterest and twitter). In reality that teenager would have benefitted from some stricter rules, a holiday job and a bit of routine. I don’t have a strict parent looming over me to make sure I get the most out of my life, so I have to do that myself. Another hard task.

My first thought was that I needed a plan, but really sometimes it is just time to do!

This morning I have had an egg and veggie breakfast, once that is settled I will work out, then I will go for a walk with my camera, buy an Italian magazine so I can start doing something in addition to my regular duolingo practise, and perhaps get a few more hundred words down for my dissertation. I’ll make a meal plan for the rest of the week and go to the shop without buying myself a treat (note to self: going to the shop is a very manageable chore and I do not need to treat myself for buying my family healthy and nourishing food).

That is all for now, but what do you think? Have you been too kind to yourself? How do you work on your get up and go!

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