Language of Love

I was reading a blogger friend’s post titled “When a man loves a woman” and she wrote about how devastated her friend is after he was dumped by his girlfriend of 9 years, and about how strongly guys can feel about their women. And that’s so true.

We still see a lot of gender-bias and stereotypes going on about how men are not as sensitive, don’t understand how women feel, etc. Yet from my own personal observation and interaction with guys I’m closest to in my life (my husband, brother, dad, and a few friends) I find them to be very sensitive beings.

But they all have different ways of showing how they care for me and love me.

If you think about it, do all women like to talk about their feelings? No. Do all women like to gossip? No. Do all men hate shopping? No. Do all men not care about personal grooming / hygiene? No. Do all men not pay attention to details? No. I can go on and on but the point is…

I think it’s time to stop stereotyping men and women and start getting to know the INDIVIDUAL!

Seriously.

On a somewhat related note, as I was reading my friend’s post I was reminded of a newsletter I subscribe to titled Time-Warp Wife. Let’s put aside any misgivings or bias you may personally have against a seemingly very traditional (pre-feminist era looking), very Christian website and hear me out:

One of her posts is titled “What Says Love in Your Marriage?” and she talks about how she doesn’t feel loved by her husband’s acts despite his best intentions. Turns out she doesn’t feel loved when her husband helped with the house chores (I do! Haha..). The point is how we must communicate with each other what make us feel loved because everyone is different.

I also seem to recall vaguely of another article about love language or the language of love or something to that effect. It talks about how an individual can be auditory (usually makes a good listener), verbal (talker), visual or physical (love to touch) and that makes one person write or recite endless romantic poems, while another thinks listening to you pour out your heart is being a good lover, yet another show love by caressing, touching, hugging and kissing. In case you haven’t realized, ANY of these people can either be a woman or a man.

Now imagine if you are always saying how much you love your man, how cute his eyes are, how comforting and safe his presence makes you feel, and he doesn’t say anything back. Will you feel like he doesn’t reciprocate your love? But maybe he helps you with your work, or is always ready to pick you up and drive you anywhere you want, or he lets you listen to music you love even though secretly he prefers a different genre. Now that’s his way of showing he loves you. But you may never find out, and neither will he ever realize that he’s not getting through to you, if you two don’t communicate.

As an aside, I personally don’t believe that each person has that one soul mate in the world. I think there are people who’ll make better partners than others. There are those you can get along with better than others. But no, I do not believe you have just this one person you can live happily ever after with. And that means, where you have freely made a commitment to be with someone (for life, or if you’re still dating, then perhaps having that possibility in mind), you need to keep on tending to your relationship. Put in your best effort to make sure it thrives and grows. And that includes keeping the communication channel and your mindset open to the very special INDIVIDUAL you’ve chosen to love and be with.

So in short, cherish your partner as the special individual he / she is, not simply as a man or woman. Share your love language with each other and never ever give up on the love that you have for each other, especially when you know he/she is a good catch.

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