A Day in the Life of a Millennial as Told via Her Receipts

Mister Rogers, man. His cardigan selection was better curated than a costume exhibit at the Met. His bits of caramel-coated idioms knew no bounds and in his neighborhood, everything was wonderful. Mr. Rogers encouraged his disciples; “Make each day a special day,” he’d often say. I wouldn’t mind living there when I grow up.

Of course, if Mr. Rogers were really honest with himself, he’d likely admit that in the real world, not all days are special. If that were the case then what would “special” even mean? There’s one exception, though: the first day of the month is always special. In fact, it feels like straight up Make-Believe.

Every month, the accompanying “1st” sweeps in like a New Year. You craft resolutions: I will allot more expenses to “pampering myself.” I will only spend money on alcohol twice a week. I promise to clean my ears. Ditto on flossing between molars. Last month’s credit card bill has (hopefully) been paid and where “recent charges” once taunted you with a slew of accrued “miscellaneous,” the space now reads a pristine $0.00.

When you wake up on Monday to the sound of a blaring alarm, you don’t panic. Running late? Ha ha! You’re rich today, and that’s what Uber is for. Suddenly, 34 dollars seems like an appropriate amount of money to spend for a Hulk stand-in to smack-talk you while you run, agog, on an inclined treadmill.

And for breakfast? The first meal of your day should reflect how you feel inside. And inside, you feel like healing. With a side of avocado.

Like a Macklemore (and Ryan Lewis) song, the 1st of the month (though the 8th works, too) begins with a plethora of untapped spoils. Phrases are sung; collars, popped. Money is spent — perhaps even thrown in the a-yer (like you just don’t ca-yer) — until you wake up the day after and realize three things:

First, that whether you’d like to contest it or not, the circumstances of your life have been made significantly easier by the innovations of your millennially-inclined comrades, so why not drop the dollar on said simplifiers. Second (more importantly), that this is a rap lyric’s world — we’re just living in it. And third: you’re broke again.

Good thing there’s always next month in this neighborhood.