That Time I Opened A Wine Bottle With A Shoe

Last night I was invited to a friend's house for a small dinner gathering. Being the pretentious wine connoisseur that I am, I arrived with a bottle of my new favorite $3 wine in tow. Much to my surprise, my friend didn't own one. single. corkscrew. (I know, I know, who are these people I'm hanging out with?!) Which is mind blowing to me, seeing as I own easily 6. All of which are for different skill sets, depending on your wine opening expertise. With that said, I've always had a corkscrew on hand and so when I was left with a bottle of wine and no way of accessing the precious nectar inside I knew I was going to have to get creative.

And by creative, I mean I desperately sprinted to my friend Google for help.
Luckily Google didn't tell me I was sick or dying so that was a really promising start, as typically that is the first and only thing Google likes to tell me. However yesterday Google sent me to a man with a really nice accent who, just being honest here, seemed a bit insane at first when he told me what I was going to need to accomplish said wine bottle opening.

A shoe. I would need a shoe, the nice man with a great accent would tell me. And so I grabbed one of my friends shoes, one that wouldn't seem to mind the abuse that inevitably followed, and outside we went to a surface that didn't appear to be too sensitive.

Also it's been noted that there has to be an actual cork in the bottle of wine you're trying to MacGyver with footwear. Basically from there, all you do is take the plastic/metal/whatever casing off of the top of the bottle and then place the bottom of the bottle in your shoe. I'm pretty sure a tennis shoe, or something meant to support your soles, probably wouldn't be a great option... mostly because you need the anti-support so you can psychotically bang the cork out of your wine bottle. And then you bang bang, bangity bang. I said a bang bang, bangity bang. (Anyone? Bueller?)

Persistence is key, my friends. And now, a video from my endeavor. Me, my three buck chuck, and a shoe - in all our glory.

I've never felt so much class and accomplishment in my life. A real prize, I am.

Once the cork came out of the bottle enough to where I could grab it with my back teeth and pull, that's what I did. And I'm just going to go ahead and assume right now that if you're on a mission such as the one I was on, sans corkscrew, you're probably also not really above using your teeth to shimmy the cork the rest of the way out of the bottle. I should also mention that you may, or may not, get a splash of wine on your face once you've successfully removed the cork. Consider that your prize winning wine shot. This is getting weird.


And for those of you who need actual direction and didn't follow this "tutorial" whatsoever,

here is the link to the man with a nice accent's tutorial. It's probably a lot more helpful than this post.


PS. #backthatazzup Friday is going to be on vacation tomorrow day drinking. You should do the same. See you Monday!