The Rollercoaster Ride

Of Emotions

I have been up and down, positive one minute, tearful the next.

Dad is fighting all the way.

We had prepared ourselves and all said our goodbyes.

The Doctor had done some tests and diagnosed a condition that is common with Parkinsons patients at the end. He has excessive protein in his system , which causes rapid dementia and then loss of the will to live.

He was ( and still is ) unable to string an audible and sensible sentence together, but has gone from not eating and drinking to polishing off a whole roast and tea and cake!

He has confused the medical staff once again with his sturdy spirit and his unquenchable thirst for life. I am not sure I could fight so hard if I was so sick.

They are now saying he may have had a stroke instead and are uncertain of the prognosis.

I am not sure how to feel - I know he is failing. I am prepared for him to go. In some ways I grieved for my "Dad" years ago when he disappeared into this illness, but it is still so, so hard to let go of the physical presence of someone who has always been there.....

It is a waiting game. How long will he fight on - I don't know.

I spend what time I can with him. It will never be enough, but life goes on. We have all been sick. I am on two weeks of antibiotics for an infection. My son is as well, for a nasty flu type bug that had him hallucinating 3 nights in a row.

Sleep? Do I remember you?

Thank you so, so much for the kind comments and e.mails - they mean more than you know.

I am missing my space here so will dip in and out as time allows.

Cherish those you love - and always be careful with your goodbyes.

XXX