A Whole Year. I Miss Them, So Much.

Our memorial video dedicated to our boys who we love and miss dearly. Thank you to my sweet husband who put together this video for us. The song is Let It Be by the Beatles and I chose a trumpet cover version of the song since my brother played the trumpet in high school.
I've tried to write this post for weeks now, and I don't know where to start nor do I really know what to say. There are many things I could write, but the truth is, I just miss them. I miss them terribly and not a day goes by that I don't mourn for my brother and nephews.
For some of my new readers, I lost my brother, David (36), and two nephews, Dominic (10), and Grant (8) in a tragic hiking accident one year ago. You can read more about it here.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of them, and every little thing reminds me of the boys. It's the little things that always get me, and that is the hardest part. I can't even flip through Netflix without seeing the movie Top Gun and shedding a tear (it was my brother's favorite movie). Every time I am cold, I usually just mentally shut down and get so upset thinking that they were so cold and scared. There are a lot of vivid upsetting details that haunt me about their last day on Earth. It's the way they died that is the most upsetting. I can't think about it without getting a lump in my throat. Every time I hear a Beatles song, I cry. Guitars, harmonicas, trumpets all remind me of him- I stare at my guitar and remember that he was such an amazing self-taught musician. He was an amazing Father who did everything he could for his children.

Davey playing my guitar!
Seeing brothers around the age of Dom and Grant kills me. I just imagine it is them, and I am watching them play. I miss those funny, witty, charismatic boys so much. Dom (my Godson) was a witty and smart boy, and he was incredibly handsome. I always said he was going to be a catch when he got older. Little Grant, he just melted my heart every time I saw him. His smile alone made you melt. He wanted to get to know everyone he met. He was incredibly sweet and loved animals. We shared that love, and it was our favorite subject to talk about.

Their services were beautiful. Family and friends traveled from all over the country to be with us. We had over 60 family members and many friends travel from Louisiana. We had no idea who would travel and come since it was 10 hours away. I was so emotional seeing how many people came. Davey was given full Military Honors and the Boy Scouts of America gave Grant and Dominic their Eagle Scout Award. We received a folded flag and have medals for my brother's service in the military. I will cherish these gifts forever.

I couldn't get through this without my signs from Heaven. On occasion, our boys will send us signs and appear in our dreams. The most common sign is the pennies from Heaven, which I love getting (On many occasions, I have found 3 pennies in the heads-up position located next to each other). These moments are not entirely uplifting since I just want them to be back here on Earth, but I live for them and I feel better knowing they are always with me. Whenever I am alone, I talk to them, and ask them to show me a sign. I look forward to the day I join them in Heaven.

Scarlett meeting her Uncle Davey and cousins Dom and Grant
I want to say, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has continually prayed and supported me and my family. One of the hardest things about death is living with it after it is all over. The continued prayers and positive thoughts are what has gotten my family through this awful tragedy. I am extremely thankful for the people who continually follow up and check on my well being. Social media is deceiving and even though we share happy photos quite often, that is not what our life looks like all the time. No one knows what we go through each and every day and how the tears have never really stopped. We have tried to get through this year as best as we could, but it barely feels like a year. Rather it feels like just a month or two ago. The feelings are so fresh. I know it is going to take A LOT of time to heal, and I have faith that we will, but we are far from that.

I love and miss y'all so much. Stay in my heart forever and watch over us. I can't wait to join you boys in Heaven one day.