on becoming a doer

As I mentioned in this post, here are the photos that Mandy took of the boys and I while we were in Branson, Missouri on vacation with my parents and sister (and her kiddos). Just like the Moonrise Shoot, a lot of thought was put into these photos even though they didn't center around any theme and were a more traditional take on the family portrait. I wanted to do something special with color. The only definite was the fact that my hair would be bright orange-y/red... what colors to go with that? After doing this cosplay as Lumpy Space Princess, a new love affair with lavender and lilac was realized! Who would've thought? What's even better? Purples and oranges look AMAZING together. My new favorite color combo.

I wanted the boys to color coordinate in some way with me, but not be too matchy-matchy. I looked high and low for vintage and new shirts in just the right colors, in the right style, at just the right price. Nada. So at the last minute, I searched for some shirt patterns on Etsy and asked my wonderful Mother-in-Law if she could whip up two shirts in a few days before we left for Missouri. Totally unfazed, she was like "sure!" and they came out amazing! (Cooper's shirt is from this pattern and Campbell's is from this one.)

I didn't want any fabric patterns that were too busy, so I decided to go with a solid color-block look, and I'm so glad I did. I bought some Kona solids at Joann and some cute buttons to match. We didn't get any detail pics of the shirts, so I'm planning another shoot of the boys in the shirts soon. Each shirt has three hues of one color. And I love that we went with lined sleeves because when we rolled them up it added a whole other element of color blocking!

My dress was an entire other beast to tackle... again finding the perfect dress, in the perfect style, in the perfect size. I looked at vintage, and I looked at new. After too many hours of online browsing, I finally found this vintage beauty in Canada. It was a close call and I barely received it in time for our trip. It ended up fitting so well (if not a little loose in the bust - we flat chested ladies have it hard) and the shape and cut was just so cute! And the perfect shade of purple. We won't mention that it was polyester and I sweat my ass off in it - but totally worth it.

I knew I wanted some sort of flower-y thing in my hair to really add some interest and additional color. I don't do hair accessories that often (they usually interfere with my glasses around my ears... ugh), but with the length added to my hair (thank you hair extensions), I thought I might could pull it off. I bought a bunch of vintage millinery floral supplies in jewel tones and made this hair clip and a separate flower crown that turned out GORGEOUS. But we didn't have time to use the crown because we had to scoot on to another location to shoot Moonrise. I do plan on taking some self-portraits in the crown at some point in time.

Although I'm not fond of myself in this photo above (I think I look kind of derpy... but I think Mandy told us to say "Monkey Boogers" and how can you not laugh at that?!), the boys look adorable and look much more relaxed than the other photos above. We were sitting in the grass in those, and my city-boys were FREAKING out about bugs ... Cooper was especially convinced he was going to attract a tic and die. (Why are my kids such Nihilists!?) You can see the panic in their faces! Ha! But this one right above, they are at peace... off the ground = happiness.

Initially for my dress, I had two requirements: it be purple and/or have some chiffon fabric SOMEWHERE in the design. In the end, it had to fit and flatter, so I went with the sure thing... but one day I will have my perfect chiffon dress. It makes me think of sixties salons and powder puffs and slumber parties and ultimate girly-ness. : ) Here were some of the ones in the running, if you are looking for YOUR perfect chiffon dress!

(from top left, clockwise, and ending in the middle) 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13

So, what does all of this have to do with "becoming a doer" as the title of this post says? Well, nothing really. The boys are officially back in school today and while I've been waiting for this to happen for a couple weeks now, only in the hopes to get back into a routine and actually get some work done (!!!), I am sad that summer is over. It has been such a good one.

I've also been a bit apprehensive and anxious about a lot of things when it comes to my professional life. I feel like I've been going through a bit of an identity crisis with it all. "Where do I belong? What can I really contribute? What path should I take?"... and that is peppered with a lot of self-doubts.

As a self-employed person (and Mom), I've often struggled with self-motivation. I think working for around ten years with a boss breathing down my neck (okay, they weren't that bad, some were actually pretty great bosses!) I was motivated because I HAD to be! But I've been doing this self-employment thing for a while now and I still have a hard time scheduling my time and making the most out of EVERY SINGLE HOUR of EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sometimes I have so much to do, that I just shut down and not do ANYTHING (do you do this?)

So many distractions. Not to mention, this summer I've really put a lot of work aside and have just been very much in the moment with my family. Which I don't regret AT ALL. I've been lazy work-wise - but happy, and PRESENT.

And I'll just say it: I'm lucky and so blessed that I can be at home with my kiddos and that we don't really depend so much on what money I bring in. But it won't be that way forever (college tuition is getting expensive, yo!!). We've been in the same house for 16 years and that has allowed us to be comfortable financially.

But I've been thinking a lot about where I'm going to be in ten years (that's always the worst question at interviews, isn't it?) and if I want to keep this self-employment thing going, I've got to really kick it into high-gear and figure out my long-term goals. Because they aren't going to happen if I don't make them happen. Those goals are just going to sit on that dusty shelf otherwise.

I've gone down the rabbit hole of looking at my Instagram feed too often, or reading blogs, and having so much self-doubt I just shut down. Comparison truly is the thief of joy (as that much pinned quote says.)

I often say to myself "What do *I* really have to contribute that hasn't already been done... why should I bother when *insert person here* does it so much better? Why bother?" You know what? There are a lot of people in this world. There's room for EVERYONE.

I had to give myself some tough love today and it dawned on me: Do you think those people, "the doers", allow themselves to say "Why bother?" and just abandon their goals and dreams? NO. The doers JUST DO IT. You can't be afraid of failure, or being "good enough" and the only way you can get to a happy place is to work, work, and work HARDER. People that are successful, for the most part, work their butts off. They aren't wasting time online looking at what other people are doing.

The most productive and truly happy I've been is when I was head-down-working-my-ass-off on designing my shop and website. I hardly looked online at what other people were doing for months. I didn't want to waste precious time doing that because every hour counted. And I accomplished SO much. I'm ready to be in that place again.

Here's to throwing self-doubt and lack of self-motivation to the curb and getting shit DONE, am I right, friends? (Sorry Mom for my language.)

If you are self-employed, how do you manage your day? How do you stay on schedule and not get off-track or distracted? How do you keep the self-doubt at bay?