Life Lately

- Lately, actually for the past 6 months or so, I just haven't really been feeling quite right. Not "normal." Just "off." And I know it has to do with my anxiety. I've read up enough to know that when my heart feels like it's literally skipping a beat, and when I feel like I could be having a heart attack, that it's my anxiety rearing it's pretty little head and not to panic. Which is the funny part - don't panic - when you feel as though you could stop breathing at any moment and like your heart is about to pump straight out of your chest yet you know in your head what it is but still. So many nights I have laid in my bed for hours…talking myself down from calling an ambulance because seriously no seriously I'm legit dying. Breath, in out, it's all in your head and this too shall pass.
I'm pretty sure my current meds are not working. If you have followed my journey, you know I've tried many different types of crazy pills (and I can say that cause I'm legit crazy) and I've tried enough to know what I'm taking now just ain't cutting it. Besides not feeling so-called normal (wtf is that anyway?) there have been other signs, such as my not being motivated in areas I have been in the past, such as this blog, my piano playing, my writing, my reading…my creativeness feels stifled and I hate it because I feel my best when I am being creative and productive. I have plans to meet with my doctor next week to discuss.
- My sister and I are going skydiving next week. My mom's pissed. She won't watch our kids because she's mad we are doing it in the first place and I quote "I hope you guys have good insurance 'cause I won't be raising your kids when you die." Well thanks mom. I feel much better now.
- I finally started reading Fifty Shades of Grey (I have a book post coming up this week) after having it downloaded on my iPad for two years. I don't know why, but I just didn't want to read it for some reason. But then I saw the movie trailer and was all…..whaaaaaaat theeeee ?????? I have to read this book because this movie looks insane. And by insane I mean incredibly sexy and shiver inducing. And yes yes, I've heard all the reviews that the books are good but the writing is bad blah blah…I tend to steer clear of the negative reviews on book sites and rather read the 4 and 5 star ratings. Because let's be honest…so many people out there just want an excuse to bitch about anything and book review sites are an easy target. I mean, there are negative reviews on The Hunger Games and Divergent series so basically, STFU you negative nancies. No one curr.
- I mentioned a few months ago how I never took my Christmas decorations down. Well, now it's only 107 days 'til Christmas and I'm already ahead of ya'll. Booyah!
- Ok so for serious. Does anyone watch Married At First Sight? And does anyone love Jamie and Doug as much as me? I mean, I'm preparing the tissues for tonight's finale (I only cry while watching tv shows) and like, if they don't stay together I will be devastated. So sadz.
Happy Tuesday I guess.
Tuesdays suck.