Randoms

- I can't bring myself to participate in this Elf on a Shelf business for two reasons. One, I am extremely annoyed at seeing every other post on my Facebook feed be about the little bastard so it's kind of like playing my favorite song over and over and over again and then I hate it, and two, like I need another reason to pay attention to my kids.
- Isn't it funny how the older we get, the more we appreciate and want practical gifts? For example, my mom told me she is getting us new pillows for Christmas and I about O'd right then and there. Brand new fluffy pillows for my beautiful head to rest on at night? Yessss! It's something almost all of us need but never really make a priority to go out and purchase. Some other examples of the best gifts I've ever received: a thirty pack of Chapstick (because duh), a Mercedes convertible (double duh) and vodka.
- I refuse to iron. I honestly wholeheartedly no shit believe that people who iron are losers. Big "L" on the forehead can't function in society losers. Iron?! Like, you actually pull out an ironing board, plug in the iron, wait for it warm up, then lay your clothes across the board like so and iron the...wrinkles? You actually take time out of your day to do such an act? And you know whenever you sit down in the same position for over ten minutes, a new crease will appear in your crisp white ensemble, right? Criminy. Ironers = blockheads.
- If you don't think I would get (extreme) joy out of torturing and slowly killing child rapists and murderers, you would be wrong.
- I used to feel like a loser when I drank in bed. I literally wouldn't go and get in my bed until I was done drinking, which left me up late nights in the living room watching tivo'd shows because drinking late in the living room is totally acceptable. Now I have completely accepted that I'm a hopeless fun person so I just bring the party to bed every night. As Dr. Phil likes to lament, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge." WORD Philly Phil, word.
- Speaking of Dr. Phil, this article about baldies. I can attest to the truthfulness of said article. In every way. Every day. Fish whistle say what?
- Bye. It's Tuesday. Which basically means it's national Fireball whiskey day. Which basically means bye Faleesh.