I am, admittedly, slow on the uptake for writing about 2013. After all, 2013 was so last month!
I’m going to blame it on my blinding anticipation of the new season of Downton Abbey. Damned Brits.
So, what can I say about 2013? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was a year of weirdness, it was a year of boredom, it was a time of unsightly rashes and a time of emotional outbursts.
Does it seem to anyone other than me that 2013 has had the longest death scene ever? Haven’t we been trying to wrap this year up since about June?
The long, awkward death rattle of 2013
So, here are a few of the oddities, in a vast sea of weirdness, from the year that made me tilt my head and say “Whaaaa???”
Zygote Infamy
Imagine having a lifetime supply of fame before you even develop limbs. Then imagine eventually being born to some of these parents.
Dennis Rodman’s Love Affair
Celebrity couples are just like us!
They show their love in public.
They laugh together!
They have serious discussions about stuff!
They clap!!
Same Sex Marriage
A tip o’ the hat to California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont, Washington and the District of Columbia.
These states legalized same-sex marriage, thereby ensuring they will all be better pressed, accessorized and smell of lavender.
And, a wag of the finger at the rest of you states. You can all continue to wallow in the stench of backward thinking and fear while living in your trailers that lack tasteful yet vibrant throw pillows. No pop of color for you!
Paula Deen
Paula Deen loses endorsements due to stupid racist remarks = $12.5 Million
The sustained consumption of salt, butter and bacon causes obesity and diabetes = $450 Billion
A Spike Lee/Jaime Oliver/Paula Deen Fight Club session = Priceless
God’s Bouncer
Mario Jorge Bergoglio, (ex-bouncer, chemist and janitor) dares to be the bad boy James Dean of Vatican City with his crazy ideas of relieving poverty rather than focusing on old news like homosexuality, premarital sex and abortion. What are you, some kinda Christian?
This kid’s the pope!
Don’t get me wrong – My membership card expired many years ago. I mean, I am a thinking human with ovaries who birthed two males of alter boy age, all of which are cause for concern in the Catholic Club.
This Guy
Shut your pie hole. Really.
So, in closing, I bid 2013 a tardy adieu and good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you in that freaky ass on the way out.