A Woman Undone, But On Purpose

The other day I got to thinking—oh, hai Carrie Bradshaw, is that you?

I always say that our appearances give off little clues to our inner workings, but do they really? I’ll use myself for an example.

I’m in a transformative state. I can see that now. 27 has been a year of many firsts while solidifying things I’ve know deep down for some time now. On the outside, while I figure everything out, means wearing lots of black.

Yet my apartment, where I’ve been spending way more time than usual, is the epitome of what you would expect from a fashion blogger: faux fur rug, clothes on display, a fuchsia love seat. And it smells sickly sweet. On my glass eatery, I’m burning a candle that smells like a sugar cookie, in my bathroom, vanilla icing.

When I get dressed however (lately, again, in all black, like an omen), I top if off with a complex, yet ladylike scents, usually with some sort of rose element.

I don’t own an iron. I like a half-tucked shirt. I like my nails painted and lipstick (haphazardly) on. But with heels and messy hair. There is an image that I’m always striving for. The cool girl in the corner. Sipping her coffee, who looks like she’s judging your decision to wear a windbreaker.

I want to be her. The Cat Marnells—minus the drug use—of the world.

But that’s not me.

I don’t know if you noticed, but I talk way too much and smile very easily. So my version of the above, is applying Chanel’s Rouge Noir. Which coincidently, is a replaced for the French fashion house’s beloved and iconic Vamp.

The first time I wore it after finding it in a duty-free shop in the Paris airport before boarding a flight to Barcelona, the salon owner who applied it knew exactly what she was dealing with.

“What color is this,” the owner of the salon asked me. “Rouge Noir,” I told her. I always feel legit when nail technicians compliment my polish or my feet.

“It looks like, what’s that color? Vamp,” she continued, referencing Chanel’s IT polish of the ‘90s. You may recognize it, Uma Thurman wore the color on her lips and tips in Pulp Fiction.

“It’s supposed to replace Vamp,” I said. “I don’t think they make the original Vamp anymore.” Though, I wish they did. I would love it for my collection.”

“Very old color,” the owner said as she finished up my manicure. “Before there was (OPI) Lincoln Park After Dark and (Essie) Wicked, there was Vamp.”

According to The New York Times, this (the imperfect makeup trend) is whats referred to as a woman undone, but on purpose.

Wearing: J.Crew Merino Wool Mixed Media Sweater// H&M Circle Skirt// Hue Socks// Altuzarra for Target Booties// Chanel Bag// J.Crew Necklace & Bracelet// Chanel Rouge Noir Nail Polish// Kat Von D Lipstick in Home Girl

I want to be her.

This outfit makes me feel like I am her–nails and lips, especially.

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