“If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…”
A picture of Marley because cats make me happy.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about one of my mum’s favourite quotes, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Growing up in our chaotic household of four children (three brothers, yikes) we didn’t really have many rules, my parents are pretty laidback and easy-going – in fact the only rule I remember is my Dad forever saying “hats off at the table” which is both interesting and a story for another day.
Although we were likely to get a little boisterous and some swears may have sounded out over the dinner table, my mum could always silence us with just that one line. I’ve never really had any problem with this, since it was drilled in to me from a young age, not to mention it being just common decency! But recently I’ve really found myself getting upset at things I’ve seen online, not just to me but in general, on other blogs, YouTube channels and Instagram photos. It seems that we, as bloggers, need to accept that since we are putting content on the internet, we should take the “feedback”, “constructive criticism” and downright rudeness that’s thrown, no- slung our way and on top of that, we shouldn’t say a thing back.
One thing I’ve always told myself and others is to stick up for yourself. No one wants to be a doormat, getting walked all over and taking any crap that comes their way. I’m sure most of us have a feisty side that makes it hard to not throw an insult back via the keyboard. Honestly, when someone tells me my hair looks shit or that I look like a rugby player in what I’m wearing (this has happened, I’m 5ft 4) I feel like going on to their profile and telling a few home truths but I know getting personal isn’t the right way to go about things.
Saying that, should we just stand back and let strangers say what they want? Most of the time the comments aren’t even constructive, yesterday I had “you have a bum chin” and before that it was “you need to be quiet in your videos” (which, by the way, would make for extremely awkward viewing) – is that going to help me get by in life? Is that going to increase the quality of my content? I’m skeptical. The “feedback” I see on YouTube is mind-blowing, most of the time it’s people having no respect for the time it’s taken to film, edit and upload a video that gets to me rather than someone pointing out that it sounds like I’m putting on a fake American accent. The majority of people who blog and upload videos have no wish to do it full time and simply want to share a bit of knowledge and chit-chat – is it really necessary to overlook this by saying “sorry I can’t watch, your hair was too messy”. Riiiiiight. Imagine telling a group of friends a story and someone comes up to you, interrupting this grand, ol’ tale with a swift “your eyebrows don’t match up at all.” It just wouldn’t happen, so why is it okay on the internet? I honestly don’t think it’s jealousy, perhaps some inbuilt survival mechanism where people (women?) have to belittle others to feel better but I’m really unsure.
Recently someone commented saying they “weren’t sure how they felt about my fringe” and another said I looked fatter with it. Both irrelevant comments, I’m happy with it, I didn’t ask for any opinions and it’s very unlikely that I’ll be glueing it back on so let’s all concentrate on our own highs and lows.
After seeing some of the comments on one of my YouTube videos, my best friend (male, gay) said to me “girls are such bitches, what’s wrong with you all? Support the sisterhood!” something which, once I had finished hysterically laughing, I had to agree with. There are plenty of people I don’t like, people I don’t get along with or agree with and I simply banish them – not from my castle grounds or anything but why have someone in your life that you can’t stand? Just move on. I don’t throw a big hoo-haa over it, I simply don’t see them anymore or unfollow them on Twitter or something quiet and pain-free for everyone involved. I’ve never left a comment on a video that picks at someones personality or looks, it’s just something that has never once entered my mind. So why do people do this? Why point out a flaw when you’ve got plenty yourself? I think being immersed in everything online, you get used to having rude comments aimed at you and once someone from the outside world (ie. non-blogger friends) says something, it comes to your attention. My friends are constantly saying “but why don’t you just tell them to beat it?” well, my friends, that’s a good point but it would probably backfire and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that people on the internet can certainly dish it out but they can never, ever take it. I had an experience recently where someone said something rude and unnecessary and I replied with something sarcastic and probably not very eloquent and then came their “I used to love your videos but now I’m unsubbing”. Really. I would rather have three lovely happy subscribers than millions of picky ones, buddy.
I guess the truth is that there’s not a handbook for dealing with negative Nigel’s on the internet. My advice? Do what you can to deal with it. Approve all comments on YouTube, block and delete anyone who crosses your path and keep your “well I’d rather look like me than you any day, pal” comments to yourself. Also, something I have to remind myself of daily is that sarcasm and my admittedly odd sense of humour sometimes doesn’t translate very well over the internet so bear this in mind. Take feedback with a pinch of salt, things like “I can’t hear you”, “can you write the list of products in the description”, “you spelt ‘because’ wrong” can be constructive so don’t dismiss them even if they do lack tact, comments like “your eyebrows look like they’ve been drawn on with a Sharpie” and “you look fat in that” can be swiftly deleted before anyone else catches on to your over-defined brows
No one is without flaws and you always feel so much better sticking with your girls than dropping insults all over the place. If I find a blogger I really like, I scream it from the rooftops. There’s been times I’ve been quick to type a reply to something ridiculous and if that’s the case, it’s always best to turn the conversation around and apologise quickly. We all have our moments and sometimes people truly haven’t thought through their comment and will be hurt if you fire something back that’s a little rude.
I don’t have a thick skin, I have days where I’ll snap when someone looks at me in the wrong way so to post a blog or video and have people totally disregard it can tip me over the edge. I try to remember that I have a lovely network of readers who love my blog and would fight my corner of the ring any day, so I’m always replying to the lovely comments and sticking by the group of girls that I respect and adore. I don’t get why people ignore the good comments and reply to the haterz – you gotta look after the people that keep you on the right track. Sometimes I think that I wasn’t built for this blogging and YouTube business and it’s one of the reasons I went on to start a new venture but at the same time, I do love it and the good always outweighs the bad.
So, that was my thoughts on dealing with people on the internet. If you have any tips or advice, share the wealth my loves! And of course, we’re gonna support the sisterhood, amirighhttt?
