Recap Of My Year 2012

It took a while didn’t it, but here it is, the recap of the past year post! Not only one of my fav posts because it means that a new year is here, but because it’s that one time a year I allow myself to get a little bit more personal and emo here on the blog…

In case you’ve stuck around for another year, this one is for you; maybe you’ll find answers to something I’ve left you wondering here on the blog this year. And, maybe you’ll get to know me a bit better, too ❤

Start of the year

This past year is kind of a big blur, actually. Hehe. But I do remember that I started my year with the decision of starting my thesis project instead of an internship job, quitting my old job at GameStop and starting a new half-time job as a receptionist at a fitness club. Which is still my day job that I’ve really come to like. Looking back on winter and early spring, reading for and writing my thesis and working pop up first. Well, there was probably some serious thinking about what I wanted from life and how I wanted to be like or become. But it’s all quite blurry now.

Summer

My memory of summer feels a bit clearer than spring already, in the sense of ‘brighter’, too. I took time off from school stuff, worked almost daily at the gym but liked it, and started feeling a bit more positive and secure. I felt comfy in my plain old t-shirt, denim shorts and boots and felt myself letting go of the need to look “gyaru” for good. And felt quite good. I was starting to get those big outfit photos here on the blog that I’d been wishing for and I felt like I was doing a good job with Hautekeikk.com.

Especially those few off times in the summer that I got to spend with B, us riding his motor bike and visiting the Summer Sounds festival and such, were precious moments. Still I do remember myself sometimes craving for even more action so to say, telling B I wanted to “do more!” and “live more”.

Fall

It must have been sometime around the end of summer and the start of fall. It had been over a year of me living at my parents and B being unemployed, and me still trying my best to keep my own shizzle together and get on with school etc. And I’d grown really, really tired of it. I felt like I was missing things in life that brought me joy and I noticed myself thinking “I want to start living my life already and not be stuck like this, I want to do things, I want to be with people, I want to feel like something I do matters something!”. I became so impossible to be with and put such pressure on B that we decided we had to spend some time separate to re-evaluate things.

The past year’s been quite a bumpy ride for me and B. But at that time I came to the realization that none of my little selfish wants were bigger than that of me wanting to be with B. Luckily he felt the same. Since then I’ve been glad to sincerely recognize that the joy of being with him and the love we share, is the biggest joy and the greatest driving force in my life.

Other than that, fall wasn’t so bad. I was excited about style stuff, the blog, and started a group fitness instructor training course which gave me new goals ans inspo. I really worked on my own life and goals.

Winter – Where I’m at now

This winter I’ve been applying for internship jobs, for the past 1-2 months now, currently juggling with my 2 last hopes of which I hope to score one for spring. I still live at my parents, while B lives at his, me not-so-patiently waiting for things with B’s life & job to work out so that we can afford to move in together. I am really happy for and in love with B, but somehow the thought of “why am I stuck in life & stuck living separate from B?” bothers me and seems to try to turn everything into frustration.

But I’ve started a project on getting rid of everything that frustrates me to ease things. You know, those unfinished projects that just make you feel like you never get anything done, those old material things that lay around. I want to shed all of that and head for new goals. Ones that give me energy, inspire me, and make me feel like I live worthy of the time given to me!

Thoughts right now

I’ve done a lot of thinking this past year, well, I always do, but now I feel like I’ve aged at least 3 years! Which scares me. But I’ve somehow began to realize better what things really matter in life. Good things like the loving family that I have, dear friends, a good home, a job that I enjoy, things like that. I know it sounds cheezy and that those are things anyone would point out as factors of a good life, but they may at the end of the day not be so easy to genuinely recognize.

Do you find that you’ve got the right to whine about the weather, or about heavy your purse is – with the life that you’ve got?

I know that the changes that are to come in 2013 will change things for the better, eventually. I am going to try my best to start changing things too, those that I can. Paying attention to things such as my own attitudes and the way I treat others. I want to learn to show more loooove & support – maybe I’ll get what I give, eh?

I hope that Your year is starting full of hope! Good luck with everything ❤