“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Buddha
“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
Edith Schaeffer
One common way to get things done, to achieve and to motivate yourself is to be kind of hard on yourself.
To set very high standards for yourself that you want to stick to every time.
Now, this way of going about things can indeed help you to accomplish big things in your life and to get things done every week.
But it comes at a price.
Three negative things about taking this position towards yourself are:
I used to take the harder and harsher path. It did help in some ways. But it wasn’t worth it.
So what can you do if you feel that you are maybe too hard on yourself or you beat yourself up quite often?
Here are 4 tips that helped me to become kinder towards myself, to get more of the most important things done and to feel better about myself and my life.
1. Remind yourself of the negative effects of this attitude.
To just remind yourself of how damaging being hard on yourself has been is in my experience a very effective way to replace the old habit with going easier on yourself.
2. Go for more human and smarter standards for yourself.
Movies, books and the people around you may push standards on you that are just pure fantasy or some kind of perfect dream.
But life is life, not a fantasy or dream and to set such extremely high standards that no one can live up to just leads to what you may see as failure and disappointment in yourself and in your life.
Instead, relax a bit and accept that everything and everyone has flaws and things don’t always go as planned.
Accept that you can still improve things but they will never be perfect.
And realize that you won’t be rejected if things or you aren’t perfect. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human beings, like most people actually are in reality.
3. Focus on the positive and helpful feedback in setbacks.
It is very common to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake or fail.
But it is also a very destructive habit because it can magnify one such event into something that makes you feel depressed for weeks or makes you quit altogether.
So when you are hard on yourself for a failure or mistake then relax a bit and go a bit easier on yourself. Remind yourself of why this is a much better strategy to keep the motivation and self-esteem up.
And ask yourself:
4. Celebrate your small steps of progress.
If you are in the habit of only celebrating when you reach a big milestone or a perfect moment or two then you may lose your motivation and feel like you are never happy or arriving where you want to be.
So make a habit of celebrating your small daily and weekly successes too.
This will help you to keep the soul-tiring monotony away and help you to stay enthusiastic instead of getting more and more unmotivated until you may even consider quitting halfway to that big milestone.
Image by Andrés Nieto Porras (license).