Im Doing It Anyway

One of the things that kept me in trouble just about my entire young life was the fact that whenever I was told, "No, you dont get to do that." I would say, "Well, Im going to do it anyway." It was to the point that apologizing every day to my mom and dad for the rest of my life will never be enough, I just have to live with the fact that I made their lives hell, and I will certainly do my best to make up for that as an adult. That "Im doing it anyway." mentality is something that has never left me. I still havent figured out if this is a good or a bad thing. I cant tell if it has served me well, or has led me down a dead end path. Im still pushing very hard for the life that I want. One of the things that I discovered about going after dreams (in a head strong way), is that you have to deal with the fact that there is a good amount of obsessing that goes on, there is definitely stubbornness, and for sure a good healthy heap of selfishness. All qualities that would be disappointing to hear about yourself, if this was indeed how someone described you to others. You can scoop all those adjectives up and package them neatly into one word, asshole. And it ends up sounding something like, "Yeah that guy Ryan, he is a little bit of an asshole." The thing about it is, when people put their heads down and end up achieving these grand things they are after, or they live extraordinary lives, people tend to replace the words: obsessive becomes focused, stubbornness becomes determined, and selfish becomes self worth. Maybe thats just because they end up with a good PR agent :) Who knows?The point is... determination can certainly make you hateable. It really can, and as shitty as that is, its reality. I think its worth teaching our kids that hard work isnt always going to be met with praise, so when they are met with resistance for rising to the top, they know exactly why. Americans dont want to hear about how lazy they are, they want to hear the "Were #1" chant. Success breeds jealousy, is it smart to warn our kids that doing well can make people not like them? Or just address that confusion once it happens? I am watching my two year old start to act like me, and I am standing at the cross roads here trying to figure out if I should be stifling any of it. I have no idea if I am my own worst enemy or not, so why in the world do I want the kids emulating me in anyway?! Its scary. Is it safe to have kids running around that dont care what other people think about them? Does telling your kids you can do what ever you put your mind to, only apply to good things, or the things that we deem appropriate? Telling kids to run down dreams is dangerous, because the things they are dreaming up these days can be pretty freakin risky. I want the kids to know exactly why corporations put cartoon characters on their cereal box of chemicals that are terrible for them, but at the same time I want them to have a childhood. The more dishonest and greedy the world becomes, the more this new generation of parents has to take steps to protect their kids, the more we protect them, the faster they are growing up. We keep chipping away at their childhood, and it isnt fair. We are forced to hide the world from them to keep their innocence intact, or the other side of that, is to tell them everything in the hopes that being armed with knowledge will protect them. New balances are being found the further we go along, balance is the key to everything. It always is. But.... I also think that the middle ground usually keeps you in the middle.So here I am, with a little girl who thinks she can do anything. Who am I to tell her that she cant?