Signs of progress
When does it get better? It is an all too familiar question that plagues every widow. The pain of losing a husband is so profound that it overshadows every other part of your life. Grief has no timetable. For me it took over two years before I saw any signs of personal recuperation. Here a few of my signs that I realize now signified that I was beginning the healing process.
- I stopped crying in the car. For some reason I found the car to be a safe haven for a complete and total meltdown. When I could finally drive somewhere or back home alone without shedding a tear I took it as a sign that I was making progress.
- I started to have nice dreams about Lane. For the longest time I didn't dream about him at all. Then when he did appear in my dreams he ignored me. So when the nice dreams came I felt that was a positive sign that I was letting go of my anger and guilt.
- I stopped trying to buy things to make myself feel better. At first I went shopping to kill time. It was better to be alone in a shopping mall than it was to be alone in my own home. I found myself using retail therapy as a way of comforting myself. When I stopped doing that I interpreted it as progress.
- I gave up the notion that other people will help me get through this. Once I accepted the fact that I truly was on my own I began to feel more confident of my own ability to make decisions and get whatever needed to be fixed or finished, fixed or finished. It also helped me accept others for who they are and not what I wanted them to be.
Sue
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