Unexpected

I had a chat this weekend with a friend who was widowed about a year ago. She told me she was shocked about how people treated her widow status. She really didn't expect that her friends and family would react like have to her and her new life. It just hasn't been what she expected.

It got me thinking about expectations and here is my list of "What I didn't expect after Lane died."

• I didn't expect to find support where it actually came from. While I was disappointed by some people, others who I never expected to be there for me were and still are.

• I didn't expect that so many people would find it acceptable to ask such personal questions. For example, "Did Lane have life insurance?" "Can you afford to stay in your home?" "When are you going to start dating?"

• I didn't expect to get so much unsolicited advice. I heard everything from "If you're lonely, get a dog" to "You'd be more attractive if your clothes were tighter and you dyed your hair."

• I didn't expect for family and friends to stop talking about Lane as quickly as they did. It seemed like it was easier for people to deal with me if they could act like Lane never existed.

• I didn't expect to feel so empty for so many years. I guess I thought all of the sadness and loneliness would eventually go away but it really doesn't.

Being a widow is all about coping with the unexpected. For the most part, I am doing that pretty well. Hope you are too.

What's on your "didn't expect" list?

Sue