Still waiting for change

I wrote this post 3 years ago. For me, not much has changed in the past 3 years. Take a read and let me know how things are changing for you.

Lane died 5 years ago this week. I never thought I would last for 5 years. I was sure I would die of a broken heart.

After 5 years of widow experience I am going to try and answer some of the questions posed by readers of this blog. I am not a doctor or a grief expert. I can only share my feelings and experiences so reader beware.

Does it get better? Yes and no. Yes, the piercing pain of loss does subside over time. I don't feel sorry for myself as often as I did. I have stopped being angry at Lane and at God. On the other hand, I still miss my old life and not having my husband's love and support is still pretty hard to deal with.

Will I get over it? No. I don't think most of us will ever get over it. We learn to cope and deal with life on our own. We have no choice. Life goes on and somehow so do we.

How should I celebrate his birthday or our anniversary? To me this is a personal choice. I am most comfortable spending these days alone with my memories. I just need to get through the day. You might want to have a party. That's up to you.

Will I ever feel real joy again? I wish I could say yes but I don't know. For now I grab moments of joy when they happen. Hearing my daughter talk about how happy she is with her path in life. Getting a sweet text from my young niece. Making my grandsons laugh. Little joyous moments are all I have now.

What is that old expression? The more we change, the more we stay the same.

Sue