Finding strength

Thank you all for your well wishes and concern. I am doing well and feeling better each day. I guess everything we go through is a life lesson. Like I said if Lane were here it would have been easier but I got through it and have learned that once again I am stronger than I thought I was.

When I look back over my widow life I realize that I found strength and determination whenever I really needed it. In some ways that surprises me and in other ways I guess Lane was right when he always told me how strong I was. For whatever reason I didn't like always feeling that I was strong. Maybe somewhere deep inside it was a warning that I would need that strength all too soon.

Widows learn quickly that we must be tough, decisive and independent if we are going to survive. It may not be a state of mind that is comfortable or natural but it is necessary. All the decisions that we make influence how we are going live this new and extremely weird life that none of us signed up for. I guess we all find strength in different ways. Religious beliefs, children, the search for inner peace, etc., have all influenced my quest to feel strong even though my life at times feels shattered. For me, the need to feel in control is stronger than the emotional pull to give up or give in to the overwhelming sadness that I still feel after 8 years on my own.

Finding strength at times is really difficult. Haven't we all wanted to give up at one time or another? But somehow we don't. We find the strength, the independence to make a decision or go through a crisis because we know we have to. We don't want to burden others with our problems so we solve them the best way we can. That's what widows do.

Where do you find your strength?

Sue