Hello from Wardour Street!
Hello you lot!
As you know, I’ve not blogged from here for a while! What you may not know is that the reason I’ve not blogged from here for a while is because All I Know Now is being turned into a book! A real, proper, actual, physical book! So everything that I’ve written since my last blog post has been put straight into the book rather than posted here! While it’s annoying that nothing’s gone up here in ages, it’s really, super, mega exciting that the reason is because I’ve been busy working on it’s book version! WOAH!
Anyway, my sister-in-law, Giovanna Fletcher, does these blogs for Hello magazine (and they’re freaking awesome!) and that inspired my brother, Tom Fletcher, to start blogging…and now here I am. Sat in a Starbucks on Wardour Street after having met up with my wonderful friend Jack Howard for a chat, feeling inspired by my family full of writers, wanting to write write write! I’m not entirely sure where this blog will go…let’s see!
A couple months ago, I made a big change in my life. I stopped speaking to certain people who only made my life a misery and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy it’s made me. Suddenly, I had a hundred less things to worry about and I feel a hundred times lighter as a result and for the last month or so I’ve been floating through my life without a care in the world and it feels amazing. Granted, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and while it made me incredibly sad to say goodbye to people who I once loved dearly…I’d just had enough of my life being sad and complicated.
However, when those things that were making me unhappy and complicated were no longer around, I was suddenly faced with the realisation that I’d made some very bad decisions in the past year. Decisions that while I felt were right for me at the time, hindsight has let me see that they were seriously, ridiculously, crap and they led me down the wrong path. For instance, *deep breath* late last year, I fell in love with a boy but felt like I owed my ex a second chance. So, instead of following my heart, I followed my head and gave him that second chance only for him to royally screw it up and now I see that I should have trusted my good ol’ heart who was trying so hard to push me in the right direction. So, whilst I felt at the time that it was the only decision I could make, I now know that I should have stayed with the boy I’d fallen for and found out where that took me. Y’see, I’m not good with unresolved endings. I like stories that end in “And they all lived happily ever after!" or "It didn’t work out but they’re all okay with that!”. I really don’t like “And we’ll never know what could have been!” and now when I look back at that poorly made decision, that’s the only ending I will ever have to that story and it kind of makes me sad. It’s not as simple as running back to that boy and saying “I screwed up by making the wrong decision…can I make the right one now?”. Life very rarely works like that. So what I did was apologised, not just to him, but to myself and my heart too, for screwing up and choosing wrong.
I don’t feel sad about it anymore. Mainly because I’m tired of being inwardly sad and outwardly putting on a happy face to make sure no one knows just how sad I feel but.. I don’t have to do that anymore and oh my goodness does it feel Really. Freaking. Great. I’ve moved on from my ex and been on a few dates since, I’ve been hanging out with friends I’ve not seen in forever and I just feel so much brighter for not having dilemma’s to constantly think about and try and solve. When you’ve got something to worry about it follows you. You have your own personal rain cloud that hangs over you, occasionally striking you with lightning, reminding you just how crap you feel. My rain cloud has turned into this giant, bright sun and the fun thing is, everyone else can see it too in the way that I run over and jump hug them or when I grin like a Cheshire Cat for absolutely no reason. I feel like a whole different person and she’s a person I’m really enjoying getting to know!
Phewf! So that’s where this blog went. That felt like a therapy session, if I’m honest. I think I needed that. A diary entry that I don’t mind sharing! Anyway, I think the new me is more of a blogger so expect more of these more often!
All my love, hugs and goofy faces,
Carrie
xxx
