Peeve This: The Spring Edition

I think it’s safe to say that the time for my hiatus needs to and has come to an end. I’ve had enough of life’s busy schedule and unfortunately to the disappointment of my family and small gang of hopefully romantic friends it is not due to “having found a man”.

And with the hiatus over I’m just in time considering last week marked the “first day” of Spring.

However it’s still cold as fuck outside.

That annoyance means it could only be time for a new edition of Peeve This: The Spring Edition.

WORK

In this stage of the life of a 20something, we’ve either landed our dream job or have become a part of a nightmare that simply just keeps the bills paid and the glasses full enough to keep you semi sane.

While becoming a full time writer is the desired profession, within the span of the past month I’ve given heavy plot consideration to some other jobs:

Paid Pinterest Pinner

Magician (do making shots disappear count?)

Professional Shot Sampler

The person that shoves scared skydivers out of airplanes

Shade Connoisseur

OSCAR-LESS LEO

Another excellent film has dropped, another Oscar year has come, and Mr. DiCaprio is still left with another golden statue-less mantle. While Matthew McConaughey was well deserved in his role for Dallas Buyer’s Club, most were left in shocked as to this not finally being Leo’s year for his portrayal of stockbroker bad boy Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street.

WHEN WILL IT BE LEO’S TURN? Who did this man piss off to get a curse placed upon him or get added to the Academy’s ‘Hell Nawl’ list?

At this point Leo is going to have to pull out all the stops–drastically change his pretty boy appearance and play something terrible like child murderer or a Flava Flav super fan if he ever wants to take home to gold.

P.S. The Wolf of Wall Street hit stores this week–if you have yet to experience it and are a fan of his films, disobey your bank account and GET IT.

TWITTER

Actually, I love Twitter. I think it’s a fun way to express yourself and connect with people both old and new and even some being famous for whatever profession.

And every once in a while on Twitter someone will troll in, favorite a tweet, RT a tweet, reply to a tweet, but never follow you back.

After a while you just learn to roll with it.

Something that can’t be rolled with is that of a tweet stealer. No, not a RT–a copy and CTRL V that shit. Life should never get that damn serious.

While it’s established that we live in a Catfish era where photo thieves exist but folks are out there copying thoughts in 140 words or less too?!

This recent discovery reminded of an event that happened back in 5th grade when I discovered a girl who pretended to be my friend and ask me to share stories with her was using them in class to her advantage. Almost needless to say it left me hurt and almost in the principal’s office .

Let me channel my inner Oprah in saying that everyone in this world is unique and has a story of their own to tell.

DATING

Yup, I still hate it.

More freshly thanks to being set up on a last minute lunch date with a friend of the guy my friend was beginning to talk to. There was no chemistry, no mutual interests, no conversation and the fact that he offered then complained on buying me a $6 beer the night before at a group outing didn’t help either.

After surviving through the awkwardness that was our lunch, my “date” was handed the bill and then proceeded to pull out a coupon card to glance over and see if he can use at our restaurant.

Listen. I’m all for a bargain and saving some green and I like coupons. But someone needs to find Emily Post because I’m sure that she would not approve of this on a first date. Especially in front of them. If the struggle is that real you probably need to stay your ass at home.

After a quick departure I was later then asked if I’d like to come over and “chill”.

Fast forward to last weekend and out to a night of 80′s dancing. The music was loud, the drinks were buzzing, the night was coming to an end and I found myself in a conversation with a young man who despite the fact that he was wearing a hoodie in the club was visiting from out of town, attractive, and charming.

If you are aware of my luck by now you should know this wasn’t going to last for too much longer.

“So, what are you doing after this?”

“It’s 2:30 in the morning. I’m going to bed”.

After some awkward silence and conversation with the group of friends in attendance hoodie boy then proceeds to open his mouth and book his one way ticket to DISMISSEDVILLE.

“Well…..I guess I’m getting a hotel tonight”.

Bye Felicia. And take that hoodie with you.

Meanwhile the guy actually liked is in the wind somewhere.

PHOTO CAPTIONS

“Although she is little, she is fierce”.

“Seek peace, and pursue it”.

“Chasing dreams”.

What the nylon hell does chasing dreams have to do with a picture of your leg in pantyhose?

THAT VOGUE COVER

Surely by now the world has all seen it and possibly eye rolled.

You either love them, or hate them. The fact that they are on this list is clear where I stand and clearly to not be the only one.

If it is even possible to succeed, consider my love for Sarah Michelle Gellar at an all time high. Viva la SMG!!

So while the weather is still trying to sort itself out, the new season is officially here and just getting started which could only mean more pet peeves are sure to be on the horizon.

With all that said Happy Spring!